


we are (not) number one

by mochacats



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heterosexual Hunk, Homoflexible Matt, Idiots, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, M/M, Memes, Mutual Pining, OH GOD IM JUMPING ONTO THE BANDWAGON, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Shiro (Voltron), Sarcasm, Texan Keith (Voltron), all of them - Freeform, also there is probably going to be no plot whatsoever, bisexual allura, broganes, chat fic, do i dare to tag this as slow burn, just a bunch of scenarios strung together into a story, puns, sorry it was inevitable, these guys are a bunch of dorks and i love them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochacats/pseuds/mochacats
Summary: conspiracyenthusiast:it smells like somethings burningprincesskickass:uh ohwall:maybe ur heater is malfunctioning?mattaelipstick:wouldnt be the first time lololwall:i can come fix ithunkerdunker:shiro, didnt you say u were making pancakes?shrio:Yeah?shrio:shit the pancakes--alternatively titled; 'mocha jumps onto the overused chat fic bandwagon and writes a chat fic when they're supposed to be working on a school project"rated T for profanity :)) sorrynotsorry





	1. creation

**Author's Note:**

> ok so  
> im sUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON THESE TWO PROJECTS THAT ARE DUE TOMORROW  
> BUT HERE I AM  
> WRITING THIS MESS  
> me: "how come the most of the shatt content is a bunch of CHAT FICS"  
> me: "CHAT FICS ARE SO OVERUSED"  
> also me: 
> 
> a LOT of these are based off of real life experiences i've had  
> this first chapter is gonna be really short (as i have to work on some projects), but they should hopefully get longer!!  
> also, for any of you who've read my fic "swapped" (probably none of you), im most likely going to rewrite the first chapter, so you're gonna have to wait a bit for the second one. sorry!
> 
> enjoy!! i suppose!

**Sunday, 3:24 PM**

_**razzledazzle** has added _ **_pidgearoni, mothmansman, Shiro, doormatt, chocolatechunk,_** _and_ **_alluringyouin_ ** _to the group chat!_

_**razzledazzle** has changed the group chat name to  **we are number one!**_

_**pidgearoni** has changed the group chat name to  **we are (not) number one!** _

**pidgearoni:** better

**razzledazzle:** why did i give you admin privileges

**pidgearoni:** i dont know

**pidgearoni:** why  _did_ u??

**razzledazzle:** i dONT KNOW

**alluringyouin:** self-esteem, kids

**mothmansman:** oh god a group chat

**razzledazzle:** you got that right, mullethead

**Shiro:** Why did you make a group chat?

**razzledazzle:** cause we're all frIENDS

**razzledazzle:** AND FRIENDS HAVE GROUPCHATS

**pidgearoni:** what idiot put that idea in ur head

**mothmansman:** I mean he's got a point?? all friends have groupchats

**pidgearoni:** yeah no thats true

**pidgearoni:** i mean what idiot told you that we're  _friends_

**doormatt:** WOW KATIE

**doormatt:** I AM

**doormatt:** W O U N D E D

**razzledazzle:** SAME

**pidgearoni:** matt ur my brother u dont count

**doormatt:** HAHA

**doormatt:** SIBLING PRIVILEGES

**razzledazzle:** _betrayed_

**Shiro:** But we're all friends, aren't we?

**doormatt:** oh hey takashiiiiiiii

**doormatt:** my boiii

**doormatt:** my best buddddd

**doormatt:** haven't seen you in ages!!!

**Shiro:** We literally saw each other three hours ago?

**doormatt:** shit u rite

**alluringyouin:** anyway i didnt have a chance to say anything but

**alluringyouin:** the group chat name is beautiful

**doormatt:** are you uh,,, a real villIAn??

**pidgearoni:** well,.. uh technically uh nAHH

**mothmansman:** have you every caught a good guy.. like a..

**razzledazzle:** like a real SUPERHERO??

**alluringyouin:** nah

**doormatt:** have you ever tried a disguise?

**razzledazzle:** nahhh nahh

**alluringyouin:** alright. i can  **see**.. that i will have to teach you how to be villians!

**pidgearoni:** *bad saxophone solo*

**razzledazzle:** HEY!

**mothmansman:** *better music plays*

**doormatt:** DO DODODOODO DO DO DO DO DO DO

**pidgearoni:** WE'RE

**razzledazzle:** NOT

**alluringyouin:** NUMBER

**mothmansman:** ONE

**doormatt:** HEY!

**Shiro:** Why did I raise you guys?

\--

** Sunday, 8:43 PM **

**chocolatechunk:** do i really want to know

**pidgearoni:** no

**razzledazzle:** no

**alluringyouin:** no

**Shiro:** No

**doormatt:** no

**mothmansman:** no

**chocolatechunk:**..understandable

**razzledazzle:** have a great day

_**Shiro** has disconnected._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well  
> that was fun wasn't it  
> lets see if you guys can figure out which username belongs to who without me having to tell you :^))  
> no, this wasn't based off a real life experience (sadly)
> 
> expect some better chapters in the future!! (hopefully)


	2. doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **razzledazzle:** you know how doors can be opened by pushing or pulling
> 
>  **pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
>  **doormatt:** GOD DAMMIT YOU BEAT ME TO IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished both of my projects in time  
> so heres another chapter to celebrate
> 
> in case you couldn't tell:  
>  **alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **chocolatechunk:** hunk  
>  **doormatt:** matt  
>  **mothmansman:** keith  
>  **pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **razzledazzle:** lance  
>  **Shiro:** shiro, obviously
> 
> also, i went back and changed the day. so yesterdays chapter took place on sunday, not saturday.
> 
> the door analogies are actual analogies me and my friend came up with so  
> hope they dont sound too stupid :)  
> enjoy! this is.. a lot longer. cant promise longer chapters like this in the future. sorry lol

_**we are (not) number one** _

****Monday, 8:00 AM** **

****doormatt:**** happy monday, meme team!!

 ** **pidgearoni:**** ew its monday

 **razzledazzle:** 'tis not a happy day

 **doormatt:** why not?? :(

 **pidgearoni:** cause its monday

 **razzledazzle:** ^

 **doormatt:** relatable

 **alluringyouin:** lmao matt just gave up on being optimistic

 **doormatt:** what can i say

 **doormatt:** its  _monday_

 

**Monday, 10:26 AM**

**razzledazzle:** so hunk and i were talking

 **razzledazzle:** what if we represented our sexualities with doors

 **alluringyouin:** explain

 **Shiro:** Don’t you guys have class?

 **chocolatechunk:** our teacher gave us free time ^-^

 **razzledazzle:** anyway

 **razzledazzle:** like,

 **razzledazzle:** you know how doors can be opened by pushing or pulling

 **pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **doormatt:** GOD DAMMIT YOU BEAT ME TO IT

 **Shiro:** Wait

 **Shiro:** Pidge you have class too. And Matt, you have work??

 **pidgearoni:** ur not breaking the rules if u dont get caught

 **doormatt:** what they said

 **doormatt:** also im on break

 **Shiro:** -_-

 **alluringyouin:** ooo dad is disappointed

 **alluringyouin:** and before you ask, shiro, im off today

 **alluringyouin:** i saw you typing

 **alluringyouin:** you cant fool me

 **razzledazzle:** uhh guys. doors???

 **Shiro:** Fine

 **Shiro:** Go on, Lance

 **razzledazzle:** what if

 **razzledazzle:** if you’re straight, you’re a push door

 **razzledazzle:** like. a door that can be open by pushing it

 **pidgearoni:** so then if ur gay

 **pidgearoni:**  ur a pull door?

 **chocolatechunk:** exactly!!

 **pidgearoni:**  but if u open a door from one end by pushing it

 **pidgearoni:** dont you have to pull it from the other end to open it??

 **razzledazzle:** shhhHH

 **chocolatechunk:** just pretend that this is only from one side

 **pidgearoni:** fine

 **pidgearoni:** continue

 **razzledazzle:** so someone who’s bi (me) would be a door you can push or pull from one side

 **doormatt:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **alluringyouin:** fioslajfkd i EXPECTED THAT

 **razzledazzle:** IGNORING MATT

 **doormatt:** oh pls, you cant ignore me

 **doormatt:** im too beautiful to be ignored

 **razzledazzle:** someone who’s pan would be a revolving door

 **pidgearoni:** get ignored, binchhhh

 **doormatt:** :’(

 **chocolatechunk:** someone who’s ace..

 **pidgearoni:** me

 **chocolatechunk:** would be a wall!

 **alluringyouin:** omg

 **pidgearoni:** ifkldgnfd

 **pidgearoni:** im a WAAALLLLL

 **doormatt:** trumps' wall

 **pidgearoni:** ..nvm i dont wanna be a wall anymore

 **alluringyouin:** so we have straight, gay, bi, pan, and ace

 **doormatt:** what about homoflexible?

 **razzledazzle:** someone who’s homoflexible would be a door that you pull to open. you can also push it but its rusty around the hinges and it always makes a creaking noise whenever you try to push it

 **pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **alluringyouin:** LMAO

 **doormatt:** ..

 **chocolatechunk:** just to be clear, lance came up with that.

 **doormatt:** i am

 **pidgearoni:** gay

 **doormatt:** apparently

 **doormatt** : a rusty door

 **Shiro:** Wow, I applaud you guys for coming up with that analogy.

 **chocolatechunk:** thanks!! c:

 **razzledazzle:** we call it the door analogy

 **pidgearoni:** what a creative name

 **razzledazzle:** say

 **razzledazzle:** wheres keith

 **alluringyouin:** wheres our resident pull door

 **mothmansman:** here I am

 **mothmansman:** trying to actually PAY ATTENTION in class.

 **pidgearoni:** g4u keef nobody cares

 **pidgearoni:** scroll up

 

**Direct Message: Shiro - > mothmansman (10:41 AM) **

**Shiro:** Keith

 **Shiro:** did you scroll up

 **mothmansman:** what

 **mothmansman:** yes

 **mothmansman:** door analogy? really??

 **Shiro:** I didn’t know Matt was homoflexible??

 **mothmansman:** .

 **mothmansman:** Shiro.

 **mothmansman:** you’re telling me that you’ve known Matt

 **mothmansman:** for HOWEVER MANY YEARS ITS BEEN

 **mothmansman:** AND YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY??

 **Shiro:** I THOUGHT HE WAS STRAIGHT????????

 **mothmansman:** dear god

 

**Direct Message: mothmansman - > pidgearoni (10:44 AM) **

**_mothmansman_ ** _has sent one (1) screenshot._

 **pidgearoni:** this is gold

 **mothmansman:** rIGHT???

 **pidgearoni:** there are actual tears in my eyes

 **pidgearoni:** i didnt know ur brother was this DENSE

 **mothmansman:** I didn’t know either

 **pidgearoni:** u kno w what this means

 **mothmansman:** matchmaking time?

 **pidgearoni:** matchmaking time.

 

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has added_ **_mothmansman, chocolatechunk, razzledazzle,_ ** _and_ **_alluringyouin_ ** _to the group chat!_

 

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has changed the group chat name to_ **_operation shatt_** _!_

 

 **mothmansman:** shatt?

 **mothmansman:** Really?

 **alluringyouin:** what is this

 **pidgearoni:** there are 2 types of people

 **pidgearoni:** those who call it shatt

 **pidgearoni:** and those who are weak

 **razzledazzle:** why is there another groupchat

 **chocolatechunk:** oh! another one!?

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has sent one (1) attachment._

 **pidgearoni:** so

 **pidgearoni:** we have established that they are idiots

 **alluringyouin:** oh my gOD

 **razzledazzle:** i never thought shiro would be this dumb

 **razzledazzle:** i’ve known matt for?? almost 3 years now. not as long as shiro has but i KNEW

 **chocolatechunk:** yeah!! i did too!

 **mothmansman:** so we’re gonna matchmake them

 **alluringyouin:** OHH

 **alluringyouin:** so thats why the chat name is shatt

 **razzledazzle:** shatt is the best ship name i cANT

 **chocolatechunk:** shatt sounds a little.. insulting tho..?

 **chocolatechunk:** why not call it miro! that sounds cool!

 **mothmansman:** hunk has the right idea

 **pidgearoni:** um

 **pidgearoni:** no??

 **pidgearoni:** i stand by my earlier statement

 **razzledazzle:** give me shatt or give me DEATH

 **pidgearoni:** yaaaaaaa boiiiii

 **mothmansman:** miro

 **razzledazzle:** shatt!

 **chocolatechunk:** miro!!!

 **pidgearoni:** SHATT

 **razzledazzle:** SHATT SHATT SHATT

 **mothmansman:** MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO

 **chocolatechunk:** Miro!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **pidgearoni:** ALLURA BREAK THE TIE

 **alluringyouin:** um

 **razzledazzle:** SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT SHATT

 **mothmansman:** MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO MIRO

 **pidgearoni:** I’LL CHANGE IT IF YOU CHOOSE MIRO

 **mothmansman:** ALLURA PICK MIRO

 **chocolatechunk:** pick miro!!

 **razzledazzle:** NO DONT

 **pidgearoni:** OTHERWISE IT’LL STAY THE WAY IT IS

 **chocolatechunk:** miro! miro! miro!

 **alluringyouin:** well tbh miro sounds kinda cool

 **razzledazzle:** shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttt

 **mothmansman:** HA!

 **mothmansman:** TAKE THAT

 **alluringyouin:** but

 **razzledazzle:** shatt shatt shatt

 **alluringyouin:** im gonna have to go with shatt

 **pidgearoni:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **razzledazzle:** HAHAHAH SUCK IT KEITHY BOY

 **chocolatechunk:** :(

 **alluringyouin:** sorry hunk :(

 **chocolatechunk:** :) its fine, allura!

 **alluringyouin:** :)

 **mothmansman:** ug h im never gonna hear the end of this from lance

 **razzledazzle:** nope, you’re not :))

 **pidgearoni:** anyway, now that thats settled

 **pidgearoni:** operation **shatt** is on a roll

 **mothmansman:** -_-

 **razzledazzle:** ;D

 **alluringyouin:** how do we plan to get them together?

 **pidgearoni:** u know

 **pidgearoni:** i didnt rlly think about that

 **chocolatechunk:** why dont we wait and see??

 **chocolatechunk:** when we see an opportunity to jump in, we can talk about it then!

 **mothmansman:** i mean.

 **mothmansman:** is that all we’re gonna do?

 **razzledazzle:** sounds like a good idea to me!

 **mothmansman:** .

 **razzledazzle:** :)?

 **mothmansman:** i wasnt saying it was _bad_

 **pidgearoni:** keef i see what ur sayin

 **pidgearoni:** but do u have a better idea??

 **mothmansman:** ..

 **razzledazzle:** haha, keithy boy

 **pidgearoni:** thats what i thought

 **pidgearoni:** ok..

 **pidgearoni:** operation shatt is officially in session!

 **razzledazzle:** yeah!

 **chocolatechunk:** yayyy!

 **alluringyouin:** ^^

 **mothmansman:** yay

 **pidgearoni:** we gon make this ship sail all seven of the seas

 **pidgearoni:** and the best part is

 **pidgearoni:** matt’s not here to tell me that they arent even seas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> operation shatt is in s e s s i o n  
> am i going too fast?? idk i mean its only chapter two and we've already got operation shatt going
> 
> i cant promise that chapter three will be out tomorrow but  
> it might be out tomorrow
> 
> just stay tuned, i guess!!


	3. what is the point of my eggsistence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **razzledazzle:** i really like egg puns
> 
>  **pidgearoni:** wow, thank you for this astounding information,
> 
>  **razzledazzle:** i think they’re _eggcelent_
> 
>  **pidgearoni:** ,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i typed out most of this and then accidentally clicked on something on the task bar of my browser and lost it all ugh im so pissed
> 
> anyway!! here's chapter three.. six days after i said i'd post it. i did say no promises  
> its also short. sorry :((  
> enjoy! or.. don't.. i guess  
> i hope the formatting doesnt look too weird!! i ran into a few issues while trying to get it set up  
> \--  
> as always;  
>  **alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **chocolatechunk:** hunk  
>  **doormatt:** matt  
>  **mothmansman:** keith  
>  **pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **razzledazzle:** lance  
>  **Shiro:** shiro, obviously
> 
> also i looked back at chapter two and just realized i missed out on making a moana reference rip me

_**we are (not)** **number one** _

**Tuesday, 11:26 AM**

**pidgearoni:** social studies sucks

 **Shiro:** Pidge, focus on your classwork

 **pidgearoni:** but im so confused??

 **pidgearoni:** mr. ulaz is out

 **pidgearoni:** so we have a sub

 **pidgearoni:** and this worksheet is so CONFUSING

 **razzledazzle:** why do they even call it social studies?

 **chocolatechunk:** why do we have to learn about history?

 **mothmansman:**  how come it isn't lunchtime yet?

 **razzledazzle:**...

 **mothmansman:**..what? I didn't have breakfast this morning..

 **chocolatechunk:** oh nooo that's not good :(

 **Shiro:** Why are you all texting during class?

 **doormatt:** shiro wins

 **Shiro:** Exactly. Now go back to class.

 **pidgearoni:** fine

 

**Tuesday, 11:41 AM**

**pidgearoni:** i still havent made any progress on this worksheet

 **Shiro:** Pidge.

 **pidgearoni:** IM BEING SERIOUS

 **pidgearoni:** WHATS THE POINT OF LEARNING ABOUT THE 13 COLONIES

 **pidgearoni:** HOW IS THIS GONNA HELP US IN LIFE

 **pidgearoni:** ITS NOT LIKE SOME RANDOM DUDE ON THE STREET IS GONNA SAY "HEY KID, NAME THE THIRTEEN COLONIES OF AMERICA"

 **doormatt:** i would be that random dude

 **razzledazzle:** i'd be the random dude who says "what year did the puritans settle in boston"

 **alluringyouin:** i'd be random woman who says "name the four new england colonies"

 **pidgearoni:** i'd be the random kid who says "what country did the ship Armada belong to"

 **Shiro:** I'd be the random dad who says "Get back to class."

 **doormatt:** shiro wins again

 **pidgearoni:** ugh

 

**Direct Message: razzledazzle - > chocolate chunk (1:37 PM) **

**razzledazzle:** hey hunk

 **razzledazzle:** you kno those puns we were discussing during lunch?

 **chocolatechunk:**..yes?

 **chocolatechunk:** what about them

 **razzledazzle:** watch this :)

 

_**we are (not) number one** _

**Tuesday, 1:41 PM**

**razzledazzle:** guys

 **chocolatechunk:** ..oh no

 **mothmansman:** yes?

 **pidgearoni:** what

 **Shiro:** What’s up, Lance?

 **doormatt:** yes

 **alluringyouin:** yes

 **razzledazzle:** ok guys

 **pidgearoni:** u already said that

 **razzledazzle:** im

 **alluringyouin:** gay

 **doormatt:** OOoooooOOOOO

 **pidgearoni:** high five, allura

 **alluringyouin:** *high fives*

 **razzledazzle:** um first of all

 **razzledazzle:** rude

 **razzledazzle** : i am obviously Bi™

 **razzledazzle:** second of all

 **razzledazzle:** thats not what i was going to say

 **mothmansman:** jfc just spill the beans, Lance

 **razzledazzle:** ok ok i

 **razzledazzle:** i really like egg pons

 **Shiro:** Egg pons?

 **pidgearoni:** th e fuck is a n egg pon

 **razzledazzle:** OIJNSKFJNS PUNS*

 **razzledazzle:** EGG PUNS**

 **alluringyouin:** fjkfsnekfja

 **pidgearoni:** po NS

 **doormatt:** pons

 **razzledazzle:** LET ME FINISH

 **razzledazzle:** i really like egg puns

 **pidgearoni:** wow, thank you for this astounding information,

 **razzledazzle:** i think they’re _eggcelent_

 **pidgearoni:** ,,,

 **alluringyouin:** omg

 **mothmansman:** i

 **doormatt:** oooOOOOO

 **Shiro:** That’s my son :)

 **razzledazzle:** :))

 **razzledazzle:** whenever i hear them, i always get _eggcited_

 **pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **alluringyouin:** ukjfnskjfnd

 **razzledazzle:** nOT LIKE THAT

 **razzledazzle:** I MEANT THAT THEY _CRACK ME UP_

 **doormatt:** cackles

 **mothmansman:** im facepalming so hard rn

 **pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **alluringyouin:** aifjknsjdfn pIDGE

 **mothmansman:** ugh

 **doormatt:** omg

 **razzledazzle:** yknow guys

 **pidgearoni:** stop assuming our gender

 **razzledazzle:** your reactions are just _egging me on_

 **mothmansman:** hhhh

 **pidgearoni:** *inhales*

 **alluringyouin:** booiiiiii

 **Shiro:** *wipes a single tear* I’m so proud

 **doormatt:** SAME

 **razzledazzle:** im sorry

 **mothmansman:** you should be

 **doormatt:** NO

 **doormatt:** DONT BE SORRY

 **Shiro:** ^^^^^ DONT BE SORRY, MY SON

 **razzledazzle:** have i gone too far?

 **mothmansman:** yes

 **pidgearoni:** yes

 **doormatt:** nO

 **Shiro:** NO

 **alluringyouin:** well...

 **razzledazzle:** am i being too..

 **razzledazzle:** _eggstra?_

 **mothmansman:**.

 **mothmansman:** you know what

 **alluringyouin:** no, i dont know

 **mothmansman:** im just

 **mothmansman:** gonna go back to class for a bit

 **pidgearoni:** wow keef

 **pidgearoni:** actually learning

 **mothmansman:** stfu pidge

 **Shiro:** Keith, that’s not how you talk to a child.

 **pidgearoni:** HA

 **pidgearoni:** SUCK IT, KEEF

 **doormatt:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Shiro:** MATT

 **alluringyouin:** LMAO

 **mothmansman:** oh my god

 **razzledazzle:** keith ur gonna go back to class

 **razzledazzle:** rite

 **mothmansman:** thats was i was _planning_ to do

 **razzledazzle:** alrigh

 **razzledazzle:** _omelette_ you do that

 **alluringyouin:** oH

 **pidgearoni:** oh wow

 **doormatt:** eeeeeeeeeeeeee

 **Shiro:** *weeps in a corner*

 **pidgearoni:** thats a new one

 **mothmansman:** bYE

 

**Wednesday, 2:03 AM**

**razzledazzle:** what is the point of my _eggistence_

 **pidgearoni:** i ask myself that everyday

 **mothmansman:** STOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the first part during social studies and it was basically me reflecting my salty feelings about social studies onto these lovely characters
> 
> stay tuned for the next chapter!! thank you for reading (:


	4. congrats on being a year closer to dying (pt. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Shiro:** Wait. How come Keith wasn't added to the chat?
> 
> **alluringyouin:** and why is the group chat called-
> 
> **alluringyouin:** oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i am  
> SO LATE  
> okay first of all?? this fic reached 100 kudos?? hOW?? gosh you guys must have low standards if you're enjoying this fic hnnnnng-//shot  
> but seriously!! thank you so so much! its means a lot to me, especially as a writer who kinda doubts their writing skill. and yeah, this isn't really "writing", but its close enough.  
> i wanted to write something for keith's birthday, so i started this on the 23rd, telling myself "im gonna finish this and post it!"  
> i didnt.  
> then, my birthday came out (the 27th of october) and i was like "okay!! lets finish this and post it for both of our birthdays!"  
> i didnt.  
> here i am now, in november, posting this chapter.  
> sorry :p  
> but hey!! we finally got some klance stuff going on~ and some actual writing + plot stuff. dont get used to it,, lmao  
> enjoy! c: i've decided to make this chapter two parts cause i've got the first half finished and i wanna get it posted. i'll hopefully have the other half out by tomorrow or tuesday!  
> \--  
> as always;  
>  **alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **chocolatechunk:** hunk  
>  **doormatt:** matt  
>  **mothmansman:** keith  
>  **pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **razzledazzle:** lance  
>  **Shiro:** shiro, obviously

_**we are (not) number one** _

**Monday, 6:30 AM**

**mothmansman:** hey'

**pidgearoni:** um

**pidgearoni:** hi

**doormatt:** iTS MONDAY

**razzledazzle:** noooooooOOo ITS MONDAY

**razzledazzle:** this day is gonna s u c k

**pidgearoni:**...

**razzledazzle:** wow i just had a really strange sense of deja vu

**doormatt:** wow same wth

**alluringyouin:** why are you all awake it is the ass crack of dawn

**razzledazzle:** school

**mothmansman:** school

**pidgearoni:** school

**chocolatechunk:** school

**razzledazzle:** OH HEY GM HUNK

**mothmansman:** wow why didnt i get a good morning

**doormatt:** school

**chocolatechunk:** hello!!

**alluringyouin:** matt wtf you're out of school??

**chocolatechunk:** and good morning keith! :)

**mothmansman:** mornin'

**doormatt:** work*

**Shiro:** I thought you didn't start until 8 AM?

**alluringyouin:** here comes dad

**Shiro:** Allura.

**alluringyouin:** oh i just remembered

**alluringyouin:** it is the  _ass crack of dawn_

**razzledazzle:** pfft

**alluringyouin:** so im going back to bed

**chocolatechunk:** ok! bye allura!!

**alluringyouin:** cya guys

**Shiro:** Seriously, Matt, why are you awake now?

**doormatt:** sorry i was changing

**razzledazzle:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**mothmansman:** pfft

**doormatt:** shut up, lance

**doormatt:** im on early shift

**Shiro:** Oh, alright

**Shiro:** Well, enjoy work then.

**doormatt:** when have i ever enjoyed work

**razzledazzle:** lol

**chocolatechunk:** lol

**mothmansman:** lol

**Shiro:**...

**doormatt:**???

 

**Monday, 7:32 AM**

**pidgearoni:** what the fuck

**Shiro:** Language, Pidge.

 

_**pidgearoni** has added  **chocolatechunk, razzledazzle, doormatt, Shiro,** and  **alluringyouin** to the group chat!_

 

**_pidgearoni_  ** _has changed the group chat name to_ ** _party animals_** _!_

 

**pidgearoni:**  what the fuck.

**Shiro:** Pidge.

**pidgearoni:** _what the actual fuck_

**alluringyouin:** why is there another one

**doormatt:** a n o t h e r  o n e

**razzledazzle:** pidge?

**pidgearoni:** hunk

**razzledazzle:** wow k i see how it is

**pidgearoni:** whats today

**chocolatechunk:** um..

**doormatt:** monday

**chocolatechunk:**..monday?

**pidgearoni:** date

**chocolatechunk:** october 23rd..

**pidgearoni:** and???

**chocolatechunk:** it's a school day??

**razzledazzle:** 8 more days until spooky time?

**Shiro:** Wait. How come Keith wasn't added to the chat?

**alluringyouin:** and why is the group chat called-

**alluringyouin:** oh

**chocolatechunk:** o

**doormatt:**...oh

**razzledazzle:** ,,,fuck

**Shiro:** Oh.

**pidgearoni:** i am surrounded by idiots

**doormatt:** shiro wh?? he's your bROTHER

**alluringyouin:** yeah like,, out of all us

**alluringyouin:** you shouldn't have forgotten?

**Shiro:** Listen-

**razzledazzle:**..none of us should have forgotten.

**razzledazzle:** we've all known him for a long time..

**chocolatechunk:** the fact that we forgot..

**pidgearoni:** well i didnt

**chocolatechunk:** OH GOSH!! WE'RE HORRIBLE FRIENDS :C

**doormatt:** listen we can fix this

**alluringyouin:** wow,

**alluringyouin:** look at matt

**alluringyouin:** actually being nice

**doormatt:** hEY

**pidgearoni:** annddd he's back

**razzledazzle:** guys..?

**Shiro:** Lance is right. We have a task at hand. Let's stop goofing around. 

**Shiro:** Can everyone come to our house after school ends?

**chocolatechunk:** surprise birthday party?? :D

**Shiro:** Surprise birthday party.

**doormatt:** hell yEah!!!!

**pidgearoni:** won't we need someone to distract keith while we're setting up?

**razzledazzle:** i'll go

**alluringyouin:** damn 

**alluringyouin:** that was an instant response

**Shiro:** Alright, let's talk more during your lunch time. I don't want to be distracting you guys during class.

**pidgearoni:** ah, shiro

**pidgaroni:** such a dad.

 

**Monday, 12:56 PM**

**alluringyouin:** sounds like a plan!!

**Shiro:** Okay, recap.

**Shiro:** Hunk's got the cake and the food,

**chocolatechunk:** yep!!

**Shiro:** Allura, Matt, Pidge and I are in charge of buying decorations, games and presents,

**doormatt:** yeah boiii

**alluringyouin:** mhm

**Shiro:** And Lance is our distraction.

**pidgearoni:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**razzledazzle:** yeah

**Shiro:** Okay, then we'll all meet at our house (except for Lance) and we'll set up.

**doormatt:** lets goooo

**alluringyouin:** this is gonna be so much fun wowow

**razzledazzle:** alright im off

**pidgearoni:** hmm

 

**Direct Message: **pidgearoni** - > razzledazzle (1:09 PM)**

**pidgearoni:** hey dickhead

**razzledazzle:** wow pidge

**razzledazzle:** im really feeling the love

**razzledazzle:** but also you're sitting 10 inches away from me??

**pidgearoni:** yeah but i dont want the others 2 hear

**pidgearoni:** whats up

**razzledazzle:** the sky.

**pidgearoni:** lance im serious

**pidgearoni:** somethings bothering u

**razzledazzle:** pidge?? actually being nice????

**razzledazzle:** impossible

**pidgearoni:** lance..

**razzledazzle:** alright fine i

**razzledazzle:** im just really upset that we forgot about his birthday

**razzledazzle:** we're supposed to be his friends??

**razzledazzle:** and we've known him for so long like what if he thinks we dont care bc we didnt wish him a happy birthday

**pidgearoni:** is that it?

**razzledazzle:** what do you mean is that it

**razzledazzle:** im actually worried ok

**pidgearoni:** he wouldn't think we dont care just bc we forgot that its his birthday

**razzledazzle:**...i cared

**pidgearoni:** listen

**pidgearoni:** first of all u didnt even tell us that it was ur birthday

**pidgearoni:** second of all keith is 100000 times less emotional than u

**pidgearoni:** either way he'll understand once he sees the party

**pidgearoni:** its gonna be alright

**razzledazzle:** thanks pidge

**pidgearoni:** no problem, asshat

**razzledazzle:** theres the gremlin i know and love

 

**_party animals_ **

**Monday, 2:10 PM**

**alluringyouin:** lets get this party planning started!!

**alluringyouin:** the 3 of us are heading to the school to pick up pidge

**alluringyouin:** hunk?

**chocolatechunk:** as soon as the bell rings, im heading over to the grocery store to get ingredients

**alluringyouin:** good

**alluringyouin:** lance?

**razzledazzle:** im about to text keith

**alluringyouin:** great!!!!

 

**Direct Message: razzledazzle - > mothmansman (2:13 PM)**

**razzledazzle:** KEEF

**mothmansman:** what

**razzledazzle:** so i have to go shopping for my mom after school

**mothmansman:** ok

**mothmansman:** have fun with that

**razzledazzle:** i wasnt done!!

**razzledazzle:** do you wanna come with me??

**mothmansman:** Wh

**mothmansman:** why???

**razzledazzle:** why not???

**mothmansman:** i just

**mothmansman:** i thought you hated me?

**razzledazzle:**..keith

**razzledazzle:** if i hated you, would i be texting you right now?

**mothmansman:** well..

**razzledazzle:** would i even be in a group chat with you?

**mothmansman:** i

**razzledazzle:** exactly

**razzledazzle:** keith, i don't hate you at all

**razzledazzle:** if anything, i thought you hated me

**mothmansman:** what

**mothmansman:** no nononono i dont,,

**mothmansman:** did it seem like i hated you?

**razzledazzle:** did it seem like _i_ hated you??

**mothmansman:** ,

**mothmansman:** i don't

**mothmansman:** honestly, Lance, i really admire you

**razzledazzle:** omg

**mothmansman:** don't.

**razzledazzle:** the almighty keith.

**razzledazzle:** a d m i r e s  m e

**mothmansman:** i take it back

**razzledazzle:** KEEITHH :(

**mothmansman:** ok listen

**mothmansman:** i mean it

**mothmansman:** you're just so social and outgoing?? you have an amazing sense of humor and you may be dramatic but its all part of your awesome personality. and you're handsome too?? ik i always tease you for having a complicated skin & hair routine but tbh it pays off. you're an amazing human being and im really glad you're my friend

**mothmansman:**..if we are friends, of course

**razzledazzle:**!!!

**razzledazzle:** holy shit im gonna cry

**mothmansman:** nO DONT

**razzledazzle:** im so shook rn omg

**razzledazzle:** im gonna cry im so happy eeee

**mothmansman:** o

**razzledazzle:** that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me!!

**mothmansman:** really?? but hasn't Hunk said some nice things to you too??

**razzledazzle:** nice, yes

**razzledazzle:** but this is _sweet_!!!

**razzledazzle:**  n i really admire you too

**razzledazzle:** and ik i poke fun at your mullet but its honestly really soft and it suits you

**mothmansman:** screenshotted

**razzledazzle:** hnnnnnngggg KEITH

**mothmansman:** :)

**razzledazzle:** :)

**razzledazzle:** anyway you never answered my question

**razzledazzle:** do you wanna come with me?? im bringing my sis too so i might need the extra help

**mothmansman:** alright

**razzledazzle:** yeeeeyyyy meet u in the parking lot

 

_**party animals** _

****Monday, 2:20 PM** **

****razzledazzle:**** keith and i are heading to the grocery store!!

**chocolatechunk:** wait

**chocolatechunk:** you're not going to the food lion across the road from our neighborhood, right??

**razzledazzle:** umm yeah

**razzledazzle:** thats where i was gonna go

**razzledazzle:** why

**chocolatechunk:** cause  _im_ at that food lion..

**razzledazzle:** shit

* * *

"Lance, green light."

Lance looked up from his phone to see that the light in front of him was indeed green. He huffed, before turning off his phone and setting it down in the cup compartment. He placed his hands on the steering wheel and drove towards the intersection, turning left onto the road instead of going straight into the shopping center where the Food Lion was.

"Thanks, Keithy-boy."

Lance briefly glanced at the boy sitting beside him, grinning at the small smile that he was wearing.

"Didn't your mother always tell you to not text and drive?"

He rolled his eyes at the teasing tone in Keith's voice. "Don't bring my mother into this. I'm a grown man," Lance puffed up his chest proudly, ignoring the raspberry that his younger sister, Miranda, blew in the backseat.

"You're sixteen, you're still living with your mother, you're in highschool, and you've just finished up puberty. Are you sure you're a grown man?"

Lance chose to grumble instead of offering a proper response. Miranda blew another raspberry and Keith let out a chuckle. Lance tried to not think about how nice Keith's laugh sounded.

"On another note, isn't the Food Lion that way?" Keith frowned as he pointed back the way they came from. The driver let out a nervous laugh. It was airy, and Lance desperately hoped that the fake laugh wasn't that obvious. 

"Change in plans, we're going to Harris Teeter."

"Oh.. okay..?"

They sat in relative silence, save for the blabbering of Miranda in the back of the car. It was a comfortable silence, which was good, at least. Lance tried his best to not spill any beans, but he really wanted to blurt out a "happy birthday" to the older boy. Because he was his friend.

Because he cared.

After a few minutes, they reached the store, and Lance pulled out his phone. He checked the 112 new messages to their group chat, curious as to what they had been talking about during the 5 minute span it took to get to their destination. He clicked on the group chat and scrolled up.

* * *

 

_**party animals** _

** Monday, 2:22 PM **

**[2:22 PM] _alluringyouin_** _has sent one (1) photo._

**[2:22 PM] alluringyouin:** ARENT THESE PARTY HATS CUTE

**[2:22 PM] doormatt:** shiro looks so done

**[2:22 PM] doormatt:** speaking of which where are you guys

**[2:22 PM] pidgearoni:** i dont know matt

**[2:22 PM] pidgearoni:** did u ever think that they were in the _party section???_

**[2:22 PM] doormatt:** stfu katie

**[2:22 PM] pidgearoni:** also those are some nice party hats

**[2:22 PM] pidgearoni:** i think keef will love them :)

**[2:22 PM] doormatt:** :):)

**[2:23 PM] alluringyouin:** :):):) alright we'll get them

* * *

 

Lance absentmindedly scrolled through the rest of the texts, noticing how they were mostly about what kind of decorations to buy or what color the frosting should be. He returned to the present, looking at the newest messages. He tried not to burst out laughing.

_**party animals** _

** Monday, 2:26 PM **

**_pidgearoni_ ** _has sent one (1) photo._

**pidgearoni:**  guys im crying

**alluringyouin:** IS THAT MATT

**alluringyouin:** STUCK IN A CARDBOARD BOX

**_pidgearoni_**   _has sent one (1) video._

**chocolatechunk:** oh!! is he okay??

**pidgearoni:** HE WAS TRYING TO REACH FOR SOMETHING ON THE TOP SHELF AND HE FELL INTO A BOX N HES STUCK IM SCREECHING

**alluringyouin:** iolfkanszkfsj

**alluringyouin:** HWERE ARE YOU GUYS WE NEED TO SEE THIS

**Shiro:** Wow, great job Matt.

**razzledazzle:** omgodsmfskjd

**pidgearoni:** WERE IN THE TOYS AISLE

**pidgearoni:** ALSO HEY LANCE HOWS THE DATE

**razzledazzle:** its not a date wt

**razzledazzle:** we're in the parking lot of ht and keith is looking at me strangely cuz im trying to not burst out laughing but its all good

_**alluringyouin** has sent one (1) video._

**alluringyouin:**  its even better in real life

**alluringyouin:** lmao matt just yelled out "FUCK YOU ALL I KNOW YOU'RE RECORDING"

**alluringyouin:** a couple just gave us the stink eye and they pulled their child away

**razzledazzle:** lololololl

**razzledazzle:** alright keith and i are gonna go i'll ttyl

**pidgearoni:** k cya

**razzledazzle:** matt is finally the hobo he has always dreamed to be

**alluringyouin:** IM SCREECHING

**pidgearoni:** SAME

* * *

Lance chuckled, before sticking his phone in his pocket. He turned to Keith, who had been occupying himself with Miranda. The little girl was happily blabbering to the high school student, grabbing onto his fingers and sticking her tongue out. Keith had a small, fond smile on his face as he played with the toddler.

Lance's heart melted at the sight.

"Sorry about that, we can go now."

Keith raised an eyebrow as Miranda gripped his index finger. "What were you looking at?"

The boy shrugged as he unbuckled his seat belt. "Just something Hunk told me, not a big deal." came the casual reply as he stepped out of the car to grab a cart, and Keith merely nodded, unsure of what else to say. He unbuckled Lance's little sister and pulled her out of her seat and the car, before setting her down in the little compartment for kids on the cart.

"You got a list?"

"You bet I do, Keith."

Keith couldn't help but giggle. Yeah, maybe his friends forgot about his birthday.

But at least he got to spend the afternoon with Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keep an eye out for part two!! also, i know the writing style got changed up a bit. tell me what you guys thought about it!! :D  
> also sorry about that timeskip when they were planning,, i didnt wanna write the boring stuff :p  
> cya soon~


	5. congrats on being a year closer to dying (pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **alluringyouin:** we’re done setting up  
>  **pidgearoni:** RELEASE THE KRAKEN  
>  **Shiro:** Kraken?  
>  **doormatt:** they mean keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM  
> NOT  
> DEAD!!!  
> ok so  
> i.. dont really have an excuse. i just got really caught up in school work and other projects. i shouldn't have given myself a deadline when i knew i'd be swamped with school assignments. i hope you guys understand ;;  
> anyway, i've got a 5 day break, so i'll (hopefully) try to.. maybe get another chapter up? i've got bits and pieces written already, so it shouldn't take me too long to get it together.  
> the "*points to trashcan* go home" is a joke i have with my irl friends so y e a  
> enjoy!! this is the second part of the (totally on time) keith birthday special!  
> \--  
> as always;  
>  **alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **chocolatechunk:** hunk  
>  **doormatt:** matt  
>  **mothmansman:** keith  
>  **pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **razzledazzle:** lance  
>  **Shiro:** shiro, obviously

“And.. that’s the last bag! Thanks for all your help, Keith.” Lance smiled as he set down a bag of groceries on the counter. “I’m gonna go put Miranda in her room for a nap.”

“No problem, Lance. I’m glad I could help.”

Lance’s smile grew for a second, but then it faltered. “Um..”

Keith tilted his head in confusion. “Is there.. something you need?”

“Oh.. no.. I..” He stuttered, biting his lip. Lance glanced at the ground for a brief minute. Then, his eyes darted back up to look at the boy in front of him. “Do you.. wanna go get some ice cream with me?”

“Huh?”

“I was just asking! Um, it’s fine if you don’t want to! S-sorry..” Lance stuttered, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. Keith snickered at how embarrassed the normally cocky boy was.

“I’m fine with it. I’ve gotta ask Shiro though.”

“Okay! Yeah, that’s.. cool. I’ll.. go.. put my sister up for her nap.. then you can.. uh.. ask.. yeah.. bye!” Lance rushed his words together before practically running off. Keith shook his head, a fond smile on his face, and pulled out his phone.

* * *

 

**Direct Message: mothmansman - > Shiro (3:28 PM)**

**mothmansman:** hey

 **Shiro:** Hey, Keith

 **Shiro:** How was the shopping?

 **mothmansman:** it was good

 **mothmansman:** Miranda is so cute

 **Shiro:** Ah, Lance's sister?

 **mothmansman:** yeah

 **mothmansman:** i wish i had a sibling as cute as her

 **Shiro:** keith

 **mothmansman:** my brother is too ugly

 **Shiro:** kEITH

 **mothmansman:** that's my name don't wear it out

 **Shiro:** why are you my brother

 **mothmansman:** you love me :)

 **Shiro:** Unfortunately.

 **mothmansman:** i didn't come here to make fun of you

 **Shiro:** what a surprise

 **mothmansman:** we dropped off the groceries and Lance asked me if i wanted to get ice cream

 **mothmansman:** is that ok?

 **mothmansman:** or should i head home

 **Shiro:** Oh no, that's fine.

 **mothmansman:** you sure?

 **Shiro:** Yeah, go ahead.

 **mothmansman:** ok, thanks Shiro

 **Shiro:** Np

 **Shiro:** My little brother.. all grown up.

 **mothmansman:** shut it, Shiro

* * *

 

Keith couldn't help but smile as he re-read the last few texts to his brother. He put his phone away as he heard Lance return. He turned to look at him, only to find the Cuban boy staring back at him.

There was a pause.

“Um.”

That seemed to snap him out of it.

“Uh- sorry- I-” He stumbled over his words, and Keith would have found it endearing if he himself wasn't a blushing mess.

“A-anyway,” Lance coughed, desperately trying to change the subject. “What'd he say?”

“He was fine with it,” Keith mumbled, glancing briefly at his phone. He looked back up and spotted Lance’s soft smile, which he returned.

“Great. As soon as mama gets home, we can go.” Keith nodded in agreement, choosing to sit down on a stool and pass the time on his phone.

After Lance’s mom returned and exchanged greetings with Keith, the two were on their way to a nearby ice cream shop.

“Mr. Clifred’s shop has the best ice cream!” Lance rambled, skipping down the sidewalk. “I’ve been going to his store for so long, I can’t even remember the first time I went.”

Keith giggled. “You’re such a child, Lance.”

“Yeah. But you love me, don’t you?”

_Maybe I do._

“Hmm.. I don’t know..” Keith teased, crossing his arms as if he were in thought.

“Keeeithhh!” Lance whined, turning to look at the shorter boy.

Keith could only laugh.

* * *

 

**_party animals_ **

**Monday, 3:51 PM**

**pidgearoni:** where the drama king at

 **Shiro:** He and Keith are on an ice cream date.

 **alluringyouin:** ooOoOO

 **pidgearoni:** and how do you know this??

 **_Shiro_ ** _has sent one (1) screenshot._

 **pidgearoni:** SHIT MAN

 

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _had added_ **_alluringyouin, chocolatechunk, doormatt,_ ** _and_ **_Shiro_ ** _to the group chat!_

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has changed the group chat name to_ **_operation klance_** _!_

 

 **alluringyouin:** NO MORE

 **pidgearoni:** NONONO WAIT LISTEN

 **doormatt:** klance?

 **pidgearoni:** y do u guys not understand ship names smh

 **pidgearoni:** klance

 **pidgearoni:** keith x lance

 **alluringyouin:** ohhhh

 **Shiro:** So.. the purpose of this chat.. is?

 **alluringyouin:** to set keith and lance up

 **pidgearoni:** now u got the hang of it

 **doormatt:** im in

 **chocolatechunk:** me too!! im tired of having to hear lance complain about how keith is his rival..

 **Shiro:** Sounds fun, I’m in.

 **doormatt:** ooo dad is actually taking part in this mess

 **Shiro:** Matt.

 **doormatt:** i just remembered i have to do the laundry brb

 **alluringyouin:** jkdsfnakjfsd

 **pidgearoni:** he was telling the truth

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has sent one (1) photo._

 **pidgeroni:** look at him

 **alluringyouin:** such a good boy

 **chocolatechunk:** why is he shirtless?? o_O

 **doormatt:** i had to take my shirt off to wash it

 **doormatt:** im too lazy to put on a new one

 **doormatt:** and fuck you, katie, for taking a photo of me

 **pidgearoni:** :)

 **alluringyouin:** where did shiro go

 

**_operation shatt_ **

**Monday, 4:08 PM**

**pidgearoni:** i think i know where he went

 **alluringyouin:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **chocolatechunk:** lolol

 

**_operation klance_ **

**Monday, 4:09 PM**

**doormatt:** shiRO??

 **Shiro:**?

 **pidgearoni:** o good ur not dead

 **Shiro:** Haha, very funny.

 **pidgearoni:** anyway

 **pidgearoni:** klance is on an ice cream date

 **alluringyouin:** they’re growing up so fast????

 **Shiro:** Yeah

 **Shiro:** My wonderful children..

 **pidgearoni:** r they rlly wonderful tho??

 **Shiro:** no

 **alluringyouin:** klsdnfdskjfd

 **pidgearoni:** o shit

 **doormatt:** dad be goin savage mode

 **alluringyouin:** *points to trash can* go home

 **doormatt:** gladly

 

**_operation shatt_ **

**Monday, 4:25 PM**

**razzledazzle:** know where who went?

 **pidgearoni:** huh?

 **pidgearoni:** o

 **pidgearoni:** nobody

 **razzledazzle:**...k

 **alluringyouin:** HOW WAS THE DATE

 **razzledazzle:** IT WASNT A DATE

 **pidgearoni:** u guys got ice cream, right?

 **razzledazzle:** yea

 **razzledazzle:** then we took a walk in the park

 **chocolatechunk:** totally a date

 **razzledazzle:** NOT YOU TOO HUNK

 **mothmansman:** hey

 **alluringyouin:** KEITH HOW WAS THE DATE

 **mothmansman:** I saw Lance looking at his phone so I decided to see what was going on

 **mothmansman:** it was fun

 **pidgearoni:** HA

 **pidgearoni:** HE DIDNT DENY IT!!!

 **alluringyouin:** TAKE THAT, LANCE

 **razzledazzle:** kEITH LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE

 **mothmansman:**?

 **mothmansman:** oh I just read it again

 **chocolatechunk:** lol

 **mothmansman:** it wasnt a date

 **pidgearoni:** sure, jan

 **razzledazzle:** hOW DARE YOU USE THE MEMES TO MAKE FUN OF ME

 **pidgearoni:** FITE ME

 **alluringyouin:** ok well we gotta go now sorry for interrupting your date

 **mothmansman:** wh??

 

**_party animals_ **

**Monday, 4:31 PM**

**alluringyouin:** we’re done setting up

 **pidgearoni:** RELEASE THE KRAKEN

 **Shiro:** Kraken?

 **doormatt:** they mean keith

 **pidgearoni:** i have the best brother

 **doormatt:** (´▽`ʃƪ)♡

 **pidgearoni:** i take it back

 **doormatt:** ・゜・(ノД`)

 **pidgearoni:** *points to trash can*

 **alluringyouin:** G O H O M E

 **razzledazzle:** lmfaoo

 **razzledazzle:** alright, i’ll bring keith back to shiro’s house

 **razzledazzle:** see you guys soon

* * *

 

“Keeithhh,” Lance pouted, looking up from his phone. His vision was filled with a pale boy with long, dark hair. “Why didn’t you tell them that it wasn’t a date?!”

“I mean, they’re not wrong?” He offered, shrugging. A small smile sat on his lips.

“Keeeith!!”

This time, Keith chuckled. Lance’s pout eventually turned into a smile, and soon, the two of them were sitting on a park bench, giggling like schoolgirls.

“Anyway, we should probably head back to your house. It’s getting sort of late.” Lance sat up and stretched, before offering his hand to the shorter boy. Keith took it without hesitation, linking their hands together.

As soon as the two of them stood up, they realized what had happened. Keith hastily removed his hand and coughed. “R-right, yeah.. okay.”

“Yeah..” Lance replied awkwardly.

A few seconds passed. Then;

“Race you!” Keith’s head snapped up as Lance ran off, cackling.

“Not fair! You got a head start!” He shouted in response. hurrying to catch up to the tall boy.

Keith really wished he could spend more days like this with Lance.

\- ~ -

“I win!” Lance tapped the door of The Brogane House, panting.

“You.. had a.. head start.” Keith gasped out. He walked over beside Lance, pushing past him to get to the door.

He unlocked it.

The door opened.

It was silent.

Dark.

Lance cautiously moved to stand beside Keith.

One.

Two.

“Um… Shiro?”

Three.

“SURPRISE!”

“FUCK!” Keith shouted, immediately punching the nearest thing near him.

That thing happened to be Lance, who instantly lurched back and clutched his cheek, where he had been hit. Small, pitiful whines spilled from his mouth.

The whole room went silent.

Then, Pidge broke the silence by cackling.

“Hunk! You owe me 10 dollars!” They managed to wheeze out between their laughs.

“God dammit!” Hunk grumbled. He reached into his pocket and started sorting through his wallet.

“You too, Allura! And you, Matt!” Pidge added, spotting an Allura and Matt who had tried to sneak away. The two pouted, upset about the fact that they had been caught. Allura pulled out a $10 bill and calmly handed it to the younger one. Matt, on the other hand, pulled out ten $1 bills and yelled “MAKE IT RAIN!” before proceeding to throw the money at his sibling. All of them, excluding Keith, laughed.

“Wait.. what?” Keith asked in confusion, staring at the scene before him.

“We made a bet on who you would punch when we surprised you.” Allura mumbled as she crossed her arms and pouted. “Hunk, Matt, and I thought you would attack Shiro, since he was hiding right beside the door.”

“And Pidge and I thought you would punch Lance.” Shiro finished, smiling smugly. Lance let out a few high-pitched whines in response, which only made Pidge laugh even harder.

Keith groaned. “So either way, I was gonna punch someone?”

Hunk and Matt both nodded.

Allura smiled innocently. “Yep.”

“Yeah.” Pidge piped up.

“We know you too well, Keith.” Shiro said. He then gestured to Allura, Matt, and Hunk, making a “hand it over” motion with his left hand. The three losers groaned in annoyance.

Keith let out a sigh. “I can’t believe my own friends _and_ my brother made a bet on me.” He mumbled, attempting to pull his best “disappointed” expression. However, the small complaints coming from the boy behind him were threatening his poker face.

“Admit it,” Allura said as she handed Shiro ten dollars. “You love us.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Guysssssss,” Lance finally spoke up. “I’m in paaaaiiinnnn...” He drew out the last word as he tried to stand up without moving his hands from his sore cheek. “And all you care about is money?!”

“Pretty much.” Pidge shrugged, proceeding to cackle and dodge a half-hearted punch from the brown-haired boy. “Bring it on, noodle boy!” They raised their hands into a fighting stance.

“Moving on,” Keith interrupted, because as much as he loved to see his two friends fight, he was kind of confused. “What.. exactly is this for?”

“Oh Keith..” Allura chided softly. She walked up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Keith, Keith, Keith..” She smiled sweetly, but her kind demeanor quickly did a 180, and she deadpanned; “How are you so fucking dense?”

They all laughed. Keith could only stare at them in confusion. He raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a birthday party!” Hunk cheered, having stopped laughing.

“A birthday..”

“Yeah!” Lance bounced up to the confused boy. “We know that today’s your birthday-”

“-Lies!” Pidge interrupted. “ _I_ knew! The rest of you-- mmph!!” The small child got cut off as Allura and Hunk ran over to them and covered their mouth.

“Don’t expose us!” Allura hissed, loud enough for Pidge to hear, but quietly enough so that Keith couldn’t. She grinned innocently at Lance, indicating for him to continue.

“I-Ignoring the gremlin,” He went back to talking, ignoring the protests from Pidge, who was now wrestling with Allura while Hunk watched in fear. Matt cackled in the background. “We decided to throw you a surprise party to celebrate!”

“Happy birthday!” Everyone wished Keith a happy birthday. Hunk brought forth a cake and Matt stuck a cheap, neon pink party hat on the birthday boy’s head.

“You guys..” He was speechless. Keith could only stare at his friends in shock and awe.

“See? You love us, don’t you?” Allura asked, grinning from ear-to-ear.

Keith let out a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I do love you guys.”

They all cheered and threw themselves into a group hug. Hunk set down the cake before joining them.

Through the giggles of his friends, Keith couldn’t help but sigh in happiness.

His friends _hadn’t_ forgotten about his birthday.

Instead, they had given him the best birthday he could ask for.

* * *

_**we are (not) number one** _

**Monday, 11:21 PM**

**pidgearoni:** congrats on being a year closer to dying

 **mothmansman:** there it is.

 **alluringyouin:** lmfao we love you keith

 **mothmansman:**..i love you guys too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at all that klance  
> stay tuned for the next chapter! comments, kudos, and criticism is always welcome!


	6. the mouse is in the pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pidgearoni:** SHUT
> 
>  **alluringyouin:** THE
> 
>  **mothmansman:** FRONT
> 
>  **chocolatechunk:** DOOR
> 
>  **doormatt:** i hATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi it's practically 4 am and i have no perception of time anymore  
> but yay!! new chapter!! and so soon, too!!  
> it's relatively short but i've got more ideas so you can probably expect another update in a day or so ;w;  
> enjoy! the names haven't changed yet, but they will be soon!

_**we are (not) number one** _

**Monday, 8:15 AM**

**mothmansman:** just wanted to thank you guys for the party

 **alluringyouin:** jfc krith its 8 am

 **razzledazzle:** krith

 **pidgearoni:** krith

 **chocolatechunk:** krith

 **alluringyouin:** why must i be attacked

 **alluringyouin:** second of all, the party was like?? a week ago??

 **alluringyouin:** stop thanking us this is the 18262816th time you've thanked us in the last week

 **pidgearoni:** she has a point

 **razzledazzle:** we threw the party bc we wanted to

 **pidgearoni:** so stop bein nice and thanking us

 **chocolatechunk :** yeah!!! we already know how much you enjoyed it c:

 **mothmansman:**..alright

 **alluringyouin:** :)

 **pidgearoni:** :)

 **razzledazzle:** :)

 **chocolatechunk:** :)

 **mothmansman:**...:)

 

**Monday, 11:27 PM**

**doormatt:** dammit why do i always miss the sappy moments

 

**Monday, 3:41 PM**

**razzledazzle:** jjdbxydosbxi

 **alluringyouin:** hello to you too

 **alluringyouin:** how was school?

 **razzledazzle:** JDBFJDCJDBUCA

 **pidgearoni:** The person you are trying to reach is not available at this time. Please leave a message after the beep.

 **doormatt:** BEEEEEEEEEEP

 **mothmansman:** jesus

 **pidgearoni:** this chat has no jesus

 **mothmansman:** tru tho

 **alluringyouin:** anyway,, why was lance dying??

 **chocolatechunk:** is* dying

 **chocolatechunk:** he's still cracking up

_**chocolatechunk** sent one (1) video._

**Shiro:**  Aren't you guys at swim practice?

 **doormatt:** dad has arrived

 **Shiro:** Matt has asked for his death wish.

 **doormatt:** shut

 **pidgearoni:** SHUT

 **alluringyouin:** THE

 **mothmansman:** FRONT

 **chocolatechunk:** DOOR

 **doormatt:** i hATE

 **chocolatechunk:** but yes, shiro. we are

 **chocolatechunk:** but basically

 **chocolatechunk:** we were all standing by the pool and our coach was talking to us. then, out of nowhere, a mouse appeared. it was scurrying around, minding its own business. suddenly!! a hawk showed up and it started CHASING the poor mouse around the pool area. eventually, the mouse ended up JUMPING INTO THE POOL but the thing is,, the hawk FOLLOWED IT, and then there was just a mouse in a pool and a hawk flailing around try to get the mouse. it was great!

 **razzledazzle:** ndjckdkdkxhc

 **doormatt:** bcudgdnckh

 **alluringyouin:** LMAO I CAN IMAGINE THAT FOR SOME REASON

 **pidgearoni:** lolol that sounds kinda like a spy codename or smth

 **mothmansman:** lolol

 **pidgearoni:** the mouse is in the pool

 **doormatt:** wth it kinda does

 **razzledazzle:** ccyhdtsycvx IT DOES

 **doormatt:** THE MOUSE IS IN THE POOL

 **pidgearoni:** I REPEAT

 **pidgearoni:** THE MOUSE IS IN THE POOL

 **doormatt:** THE MOUSE IS IN THE POOL

 **mothmansman:** wow siblings

 **Shiro:** Hey, Keith

 **alluringyouin:** lmaoo

 **razzledazzle:** pfft

 **mothmansman:** i reiterate, wow siblings

 **chocolatechunk:**...so.. is this an inside joke now

 **pidgearoni:** yes

 **mothmansman:** yes

 **alluringyouin:** yes

 **chocolatechunk:** great!! :D

 **razzledazzle:** yes

 **pidgearoni:** a little late buddy

 **razzledazzle:** shUT

 **alluringyouin:** THE

 **mothmansman:** FRONT

 **pidgearoni:** DOOR

 **razzledazzle:** KFIDYCBDKXK

 **doormatt:** uGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story is based off a story that my friend told me and i was the one who mentioned that it sounded like a spy code lolol  
> hahaa here's hoping the two friends who know the joke don't find this fic,, i highly doubt they will but oh man you never know  
> comments, kudos, and criticism appreciated! thank you for reading this mess of a fic^^


	7. MIC DROP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Shiro:** Wow, that remix is really good.
> 
>  **BUNGEE!:** shiro I can hear you crying in the next room over
> 
>  **Shiro:** doNT EXPOSE ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i knOW THIS IS VOLTRON BUT LISTEN  
> BTS RELEASED THEIR MIC DROP REMIX AND I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO IT ON LOOP ALL DAY SINCE I FOUND IT  
> on that note, i need a place to yell about my children since i dont have a way to contact my friends that like bts so have a bts-centric chapter in which my children yell about my children.  
> if you don't like bts/kpop, then i respect that^^ if you do, then ayyy  
> \--  
> names (wow they changed) (except for shiro's);  
>  **alluringyouin/alluringhobi:** allura  
>  **chocolatechunk/hunkofjin:** hunk  
>  **doormatt/mattaelipstick:** matt  
>  **mothmansman/BUNGEE!:** keith  
>  **pidgearoni/MIC!:** pidge  
>  **razzledazzle/MIC.:** lance  
>  **Shiro:** shiro, obviously (rip shiro is still shiro)

**_we are (not) number one_ **

**Friday, 6:27 PM**

**razzledazzle:** hey

 **razzledazzle:** hey guys

 **alluringyouin:** yes

 **razzledazzle:** did you see my bag?

 **alluringyouin:** wha t

 **pidgearoni:** DID YOU SEE MY BAG

 **razzledazzle:** DID YOU SEE MY BAG

 **_razzledazzle_** _'_ _s name has been changed to_ **_MIC._** _._

 **_pidgearoni_** _'_ _s name has been changed to_ **_MIC!_** _._

 **_mothmansman_** _'_ _s name has been changed to_ **_BUNGEE!_** _._

 **MIC.:** AYY KEEF

 **MIC!:** YESSSSS

 **BUNGEE!:** ITS HELLA TROPHIES

 **MIC.:** AND ITS HELLA THICK

 **doormatt:** t h i c c

 **doormatt:** also wtf? are those the lyrics??

 **MIC!:** AIT

 **MIC.:** YOU HAVENT SEEN IT???

 **doormatt:** SEEN WHAT

 **alluringyouin:** I SECOND THAT

 **chocolatechunk:** THE MIC DROP REMIX

 **MIC.:** AYY HUNK

 **chocolatechunk:** AYY!!

 **doormatt:** tHERES A REMIX???

 **alluringyouin:** WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT

 **MIC.:** B

 **MIC!:** T

 **BUNGEE!:** S

 **doormatt:** WHY DIDNT I KNO ABOUT THIS

 **alluringyouin:** ohhh the kpop group?

 **MIC!:** allura if u say u dont like them i s2g

 **alluringyouin:** well

 **alluringyouin:** i like a few of their songs

 **alluringyouin:** i dont keep up with them tho

 **doormatt:** OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING

 **doormatt:** ALSO THEY’RE NUMBER 1 ON TRENDING

 **MIC.:** IKR??

 **MIC!:** BLESS

 **alluringyouin:** SOMEONE FILL ME IN

 **BUNGEE!:** https://youtu.be/kTlv5_Bs8aw

 **doormatt:** BOIII

 **Shiro:** I can hear Keith screaming in his room.

 **Shiro:** What is this chaos?

 **doormatt:** BTS CAME OUT WITH A REMIX FOR MIC DROP

 **Shiro:** SHIT THEY DID?

 **MIC!:** wow dad just cursed

 **Shiro:** WHY DIDNT I KNOW

 **MIC.:** lmfaooo

 **doormatt:** DONT WORRY I JUST DISCOVERED IT TOO

 **BUNGEE!:** I JUST SENT THE LINK A FEW MINS AGO

 **alluringyouin:** o damn this is great

 **alluringyouin:** who’s that 1 w the hat

 **MIC!:** which 1

 **BUNGEE!:** theres like 3

 **_alluringyouin_ ** _has sent one (1) screenshot._

 **MIC!:** its not loading

 **alluringyouin:** o

 **MIC.:** holdon let me change the settings

 **MIC.:** now try

**alluringyouin:**

**alluringyouin:** this one

 **MIC!:** oh thats jhope

 **MIC.:** aka hobi

 **BUNGEE!:** aka hoseok

 **doormatt:** aka the actual fucking sun

 **MIC.:** LIKE HUNK

 **chocolatechunk:** awww ;w;

 **Shiro:** Wow, that remix is really good.

 **BUNGEE!:** shiro I can hear you crying in the next room over

 **Shiro:** doNT EXPOSE ME

 **doormatt:** cute

 **BUNGEE!:** wait what

 **Shiro:** wAit what

 **doormatt:** i mean

 **doormatt:** hobi

 **doormatt:** is cute

 **MIC.:** sure

 **MIC!:** yeah

 **alluringyouin:** okay

 **chocolatechunk:** i mean,, its true.. but..

 **Shiro:** oh

 **BUNGEE!:** pff

 **doormatt:** i mean just look at him

**doormatt:**

**alluringyouin:** aaaaa <3<3

 **MIC!:** okay thats pretty fuckin cute

 **Shiro:** yeah..

 **doormatt:** altho personally

 **doormatt:** i prefer taehyung

 **alluringyouin:** which one?

**doormatt:**

**MIC!:** brofist

 **doormatt:** that bandana tho~

 **doormatt:** (●♡∀♡)

 **MIC!:** will you ever stop

 **doormatt:** neverrrr (；¬д¬)

 **MIC.:** taetaeeee

**doormatt:**

**alluringyouin:** damnn

 **BUNGEE!:** lmfao suga is pretty hot ngl

**BUNGEE!:**

**alluringyouin:** tru

 **Shiro:** You just like him because he’s emo like you

 **BUNGEE!:** shhhHHH

 **MIC.:** sfdnuikjanfoslk

 **MIC.:** ANYWAY my turn!!

 **MIC!:** nobody asked u

**MIC.:**

**alluringyouin:** HIS FUCKI N HAIR ICANT

 **MIC!:** LMFAO

 **chocolatechunk:** lololol he looks like a lion

 **doormatt:** S I M B A

 **MIC.:** DONT MAKE FUN OF MY BABY!!

 **BUNGEE!:** hes older than you

 **MIC.:** YOU’D SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT YOONGI

 **BUNGEE!:** tru

 **alluringyouin:** wait

 **BUNGEE!:** suga = yoongi = agust d

 **alluringyouin:**..how did you know i was gonna ask

 **BUNGEE!** just a hunch

 **MIC!:** lolol

**MIC.:**

**MIC.:** hes perf (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

 **MIC!:** not u too

 **doormatt:** the emojis will take over (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

 **MIC!:** ugh

 **MIC!:** time to cleanse the chat

 **doormatt:** XCUSE YOUヾʕಠ∧ಠʔﾉﾞ

**MIC!:**

**doormatt:**...oh

 **doormatt:** that's not so bad (｡’▽’｡)♡

 **MIC!:** BACK OFF HES MINE

 **alluringyouin:** i thought you were ace tho?

 **MIC!:** DOESNT MEAN I CANT GET POSSESSIVE

**MIC!:**

**alluringyouin:** fair

 **alluringyouin:** so who's that one?

 **MIC!:** jungkook

 **MIC.:** mine was jimin

 **chocolatechunk:** and mine is jin! :D

 **alluringyouin:** jin?

**chocolatechunk:**

**chocolatechunk:** it's hard to get a good screenshot ;;

 **MIC.:** here you go hunk

**MIC.:**

**chocolatechunk:** thank you!! C:

 **MIC.:** ofc

 **alluringyouin:** what about shiro?

 **Shiro:** I don't have a bias

 **doormatt:** yes you do, takashi

 **MIC.:** OOOO

 **MIC!:** MATT IS WHIPPIN OUT THE FULL NAME

 **Shiro:**..fine

**Shiro:**

**alluringyouin:** ooo

 **MIC!:** thats,, a really good screenshot

 **MIC.:** that hand tho

 **BUNGEE!:** i can hear Shiro’s violent sobs

 **BUNGEE!:** he keeps muttering “this boy is so beautiful”

 **doormatt:** lololol so endearing

 **Shiro:** What

 **MIC!** : w hat

 **doormatt:** namjoon,, i mean,,

 **MIC.:** sure, jan

 **doormatt** : dont pull out the memes

 **Shiro:** And for the record, Keith,  I wasn't crying

**BUNGEE!:**

**Shiro:** nvm I'm crying

 **alluringyouin:** why r they all so beautiful wtf

 **alluringyouin:** im gonna have to listen to more of their songs

 **MIC.:** yaaass

 **chocolatechunk:** become an ARMY!!

 **MIC!:** whoop whoop

 **MIC.:** ok but

 **MIC.:** what about ships

 **MIC!:** that's another story for another day

 **MIC.:** …

 **MIC!:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **chocolatechunk:** uhhh..

 **MIC!:** ANYWAY

 **_MIC!_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_DID YOU SEE MY BAG?_** _!_

 **_alluringyouin_** _’s name has been changed to_ **_alluringhobi_** _!_

 **_doormatt_** _'_ _s name has been changed to_ **_mattaelipstick_** _!_

 **_chocolatechunk_** _’s name has been changed to_ **_hunkofjin_** _!_

 **Shiro:** wow im really proud

 **alluringhobi:** YOU DIDNT CHANGE YOURS

 **Shiro:** I CANT THINK OF ONE??

 **MIC!:** its fine

 **MIC.:** DID YOU SEE MY BAG

 **BUNGEE!:** DID YOU SEE MY BAG

 **mattaelipstick:** ITS HELLA TROPHIES

 **alluringhobi:** AND ITS HELLA THICK

 **hunkofjin:** WHAT YOU THINK BOUT THAT

 **MIC!:** WHAT YOU THINK BOUT THAT

 **Shiro:** I BET IT GOT MY HATERS HELLA SICK

 **MIC.:** YEEAAA

 **alluringhobi:** eeeee

 **mattaelipstick:** I LOVE THIS FAMILY

 **hunkofjin:**!!!

 **BUNGEE!:** I LOVE BTS

 **MIC.:** I LOVE BOTH

 **Shiro:** you guys are the best children

 **MIC!:** YOU BET WE ARE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the images didnt work, let me know^^ i had to try to load them on my phone so i dunno if they worked..  
> there might be some more kpop references in the future, but i'll have to see  
> if you guys don't want any more kpop references, then that's cool lol  
> this chapter wasnt planned hahaaa  
> and yes, i purposefully made each of them have a different bias. 7 people in this chat. 7 bts members. boom. everyone gets some love.  
> thanks for reading ♡ comments, kudos, and criticism are welcome, as always!!


	8. that escalated quickly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hunkerdunker:** he’s not gonna actually end him, right??
> 
>  **mattaelipstick:** nah he loves me too much
> 
>  **mattaelipstick:** shIT HE FOUNDMEFJ KDNJKSFNKSJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> admittedly, i haven't been doing too great, so i decided to write a bit to hopefully drag myself out of the dumps. this is where the summary of the story comes from, aka the first chapter i ever wrote for this fic, back when i was still planning it. enjoy!!  
> and yes, kaomoji's are becoming a thing now. deal with it.  
> \--  
> names!!  
>  **alluringhobi/princesskickass:** allura  
>  **hunkofjin/hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **mattaelipstick:** matt  
>  **BUNGEE!/conspiracyenthusiast:** keith  
>  **MIC!/wall:** pidge  
>  **MIC./sirlancelot:** lance  
>  **Shiro/shrio:** shiro (ayy his name finally changed!!)

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Saturday, 11:48 PM**

**MIC!:** o ya

 **MIC!:** we had a bts fan party

 **mattaelipstick:** fan party?

 **MIC!:** shut up its before 2 pm

 **MIC!:** thus, i am still asleep

 **alluringhobi:** same tbh

 **MIC.:** these usernames tho

 **BUNGEE!:** we should probably change them lol

 **mattaelipstick:** i like mine tho

 **MIC!:** its dumb

 **BUNGEE!:** wait for it

 **mattaelipstick:** ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

 **BUNGEE!:** there it is

 **MIC!:** UGH FINE

 **alluringhobi:** do you rlly hate them that much,,

 **MIC!:** JUST STOP WITH THE KAOMOJIS

 **mattaelipstick:** (/^▽^)/

 **MIC.:** no they dont

 **MIC.:** its just bc its matt

 **MIC!:** there is no winning with u

 **mattaelipstick:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **MIC!:** anyway.

 **MIC.:** let the name changing commence

_**MIC!** 's name has been changed to  **wall**._

**MIC.:**  oh ok

 **MIC.:** i expected something with more

 **MIC.:** pizzazz

 **wall:** im not u

 **MIC.:** fair

 **alluringhobi:** lmao

_**MIC.** 's name has been changed to  **sirlancelot**._

**wall:**  of course.

 **alluringhobi:** lmaooo

 **hunkofjin:** oh !!

 **hunkofjin:** are we changing our names?

 **sirlancelot:** ya

 **wall:** yes

 **hunkofjin:** hmm

 **hunkofjin:** idk what to change mine too

 **sirlancelot:** i gotchu buddy

**_hunkofjin_** _'s name has been changed to **hunkerdunker**._

**alluringhobi:**  wHY is that name so cute

 **wall:** ^

 **hunkerdunker:**!! ty lance!!

 **sirlancelot:** ofc~

 **mattaelipstick:** gross

 **sirlancelot:** shut up, twig

 **alluringhobi:** LMAO

 **mattaelipstick:**  (＃｀д´)ﾉ

 **wall:** sigh

 **sirlancelot:** FITE ME ٩(๑`ȏ´๑)۶

 **wall:** ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)

 **alluringhobi:** LMAO

 **mattaelipstick:** HA

 **mattaelipstick:** THEY USED THE KAOMOJI

 **mattaelipstick:** SUCCESS (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

 **wall:** 凸(｀0´)凸

 **sirlancelot:** ʱªʱªʱª (ᕑᗢूᓫ∗)

 **alluringhobi:** LMAO

 **mattaelipstick:** ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡

 **alluringhobi:** OK MY TURN

_**alluringhobi** 's name has been changed to  **princesskickass**._

**mattaelipstick:**  allura wins

 **sirlancelot:** i agree

 **wall:** when was this a competition

 **princesskickass:** ty ty

 **mattaelipstick:** its always a competition

 **wall:** fair

 **BUNGEE!:** wait

 **BUNGEE!:** i havent changed mine yet

 **wall:** u cant do better than allura

 **BUNGEE!:** maybe i can

 **princesskickass:** bring it

 **sirlancelot:** go for it, keithy boy

 **BUNGEE!:** :)

_**BUNGEE!** 's name has been changed to  **conspiracyenthusiast**._

**hunkerdunker:** ;;

 **wall:**..

 **princesskickass:** sigh

 **mattaelipstick:** (一。一;;）

 **sirlancelot:** sad

 **Shiro:** Depressing

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i hate you guys :(

 **princesskickass:** also he y shiro

 **Shiro:** Hello

 **wall:** wow we're all here

 **princesskickass:** lmao omg

 **sirlancelot:** what

 **princesskickass:** i like how we all have crazy usernames

 **princesskickass:** and then shiro is just

 **princesskickass:** Shiro

 **mattaelipstick:** well

 **mattaelipstick:** what do u expect

 **mattaelipstick:** its shrio

 **wall:** shrio

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** shrio

 **sirlancelot:** shrio

 **hunkerdunker:** shrio

 **princesskickass:** shrio

 **mattaelipstick:** i feel personally attacked

 **Shiro:** I can’t believe you already forgot my name

 **Shiro:** It’s only been two days since I last saw you

 **Shiro:** And I’ve already become a distant memory in your past

 **doormatt:** shiro bby pls i would never forget you

 **sirlancelot:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **wall:**  u forgot him when u went 2 tht summercamp in 9th grade

 **mattaelipstick** : zip it katie

 **princesskickass:**  lmaoo

 **Shiro:** This is exactly what I’m talking about

 **Shiro:** We were best friends, weren’t we?

 **Shiro:** And now.. we are nothing..

 **wall:** and i thought matt was the dramatic one

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** and i thought lance was the dramatic one

 **sirlancelot** : hEY

 **Shiro:** May our friendship rest in peace, Matt

 **mattaelipstick:** shiro dont do this

 **wall:** here lies the friendship of shrio and matt

 **sirlancelot:** afnjkdnfj

 **Shiro:** Pidge, this is serious

 **wall:** sorry _dad_

 **Shiro:** Rest in peace.. the friendship of Takashi Shirogane and Matt Holt

 **_Shiro_** _’s name has been changed to_ **_shrio_** _._

 **shrio:** alright who did this

 **princesskickass:** ifksdnfjksm

 **wall:** IM

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** omg

 **sirlancelot** : GISKDFNDS I M WHEEZING

 **hunkerdunker:** i can confirm, he is indeed wheezing

 **_hunkerdunker_ ** _sent one (1) video._

 **princesskickass:** FIOSKDMFSK

 **wall:** what a cute little wheeze you got there

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** i agree

 **wall:** what

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** what

 **princesskickass:** gaaaaayyyyy

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** says you

 **princesskickass:** im BI thanks

 **shrio:** matt…

 **mattaelipstick:** kfsjoijk it wasnt me i sweAR

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** : **guys Shiro just left the house

 **sirlancelot:** oh shit

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** i heard him muttering about he was “gonna kill Matt”

 **princesskickass:** oh shit

 **wall:** oh shit

 **hunkerdunker:** oh shoot

 **mattaelipstick:** well fuck

 **wall:** I HEAR KNOCKING

 **wall:** THERE IS A VERY ANGRY SHIRO TRYING TO BREAK INTO OUR HOUSE

 **sirlancelot:** ooH SHIT

 **mattaelipstick:** KATIE HELP ME HIDE

 **wall:** NAH BITCH U ON UR OWN

 **princesskickass:** PIDGE

 **mattaelipstick:** SHIIIIIIIIIT

 **sirlancelot:** im wheezing again

 **hunkerdunker:** can confirm

 **wall:** I GOT U COVERED IM HEADING OUT RN WITH MY PHONE

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** IM COMING OVER TOO WAIT

 **wall:** MATT I SEE U RUNNING INTO THE ATTIC

 **princesskickass:** out of all the places you could have hid

 **wall:** OH SHIT SHIRO FOUND THE SPARE KEY

 **wall:** HE’S IN THE HOUSE

 **wall:** THE MOUSE IS IN THE POOL

 **wall:** I REPEAT

 **wall:** THE MOUSE IS IN THE POOL

 **princesskickass:** LMAO OMG

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** JFJKSENFKSJD IM ALMOST THERE

 **wall:** AFNIUSDHSD HES WALKING AROUND LIKE A RABID ANIMAL

 **mattaelipstick:** KATIE HELP

 **mattaelipstick:** I CAN HEAR HIM GROWLING

 **wall:** “MATT IM GONNA FIND YOU AND END YOU”

 **sirlancelot:** jisklfdkjsf

 **hunkerdunker:** he’s not gonna actually end him, right??

 **mattaelipstick:** nah he loves me too much

 **mattaelipstick:** shIT HE FOUNDMEFJ KDNJKSFNKSJ

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** IM HERE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS

 **wall:** ATTIC

 **wall:** IM RECORDING THIS

 **wall:** AND ALSO DYING

 **wall:** HES GOT MATT WRAPPED IN A HEADLOCK AND MATT IS SCREECHING LIKE A GIRL

 **mattaelipstick:** nON JI M NTOISTNSI

 ** **conspiracyenthusiast** :** CAN CONFIRM. MATT SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL

 **princesskickass:** oH MY GOD

 **wall:** HE GOT MATTS PHONE AND NOW MATT IS PINNED DOWN BY SHIROS FOOT

 **princesskickass:** YOURE RECORDING THIS RIGHT

 **wall:** HELL YEAH I AM

 **mattaelipstick:** hi im matt im a piece of shit that needs to learn when to shut my mouth

 **_mattaelipstick_ ** _has disconnected._

 **wall:**  WHEE Z E

 **hunkerdunker:** that escalated quickly;;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im going to try to update weekly, so expect a new chapter next friday/saturday!!


	9. friendzones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **princesskickass:** i bet someones gonna friendzone smoeone  
>  **princesskickass:** someone*  
>  **princesskickass:** dont u dare  
>  **princesskickass:** lance no i c u typing  
>  **sirlancelot:** smoeone  
>  **princesskickass:** i will  
>  **princesskickass:** dropkick u  
>  **princesskickass:** to the other side of the fucking earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes  
> i know  
> im sorry  
> i missed the deadline  
> i dont have much of an excuse. i've been sick the last 3 weeks, i've been dealing with a lot of family issues, school work, and personal problems. im really sorry. i didn't have this chapter planned out, so it took me a bit longer to get it finished.  
> but!! to hopefully make it up to you guys, theres a bit of klance and shatt in this chapter. also, we'll be introducing a new character soon, so look forward to that~  
> enjoy!  
> \--  
> names!!  
>  **princesskickass:** allura  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **doormatt/mattaelipstick:** matt  
>  **conspiracyenthusiast:** keith  
>  **wall:** pidge  
>  **sirlancelot:** lance  
>  **Shiro/shrio:** shiro

_**operation shatt** _

**Sunday, 1:31 PM**

**wall:** ok

 **wall:** forgot 2 show u all yesrterday

 **sirlancelot:** yesrterday

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** yesrterday

 **wall:** lET ME LIVE

 **sirlancelot:** never

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** never

 **princesskickass:** klance is being weird :(

 **sirlancelot:** whats a klance

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** whats a klance

 **wall:** can i,, finish,,

 **sirlancelot:** ya

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya

 **princesskickass:** what the Fuck

 **hunkerdunker:** stop doing that.. ;-;

 **sirlancelot:** doing what

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** doing what

 **princesskickass:** i s2g

 **wall:** gUYS LET ME TALK

 **wall:** ok

 **wall:** im gon post this here

 **wall:** since i dont want them 2 shout at me

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** dont want who to shout

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** Shiro & Matt?

 **sirlancelot:** post what?

 **sirlancelot:** the video from yesterday?

 **wall:** yes

 **princesskickass:** yes to who

 **wall:** both

_**wall** has sent two (2) videos. _

**conspiracyenthusiast:** wait

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i got one too

_**conspiracyenthusiast** has sent one (1) video. _

**sirlancelot:** iokldsnfjsd

 **princesskickass:** omg

 **princesskickass:** he really does scream like a girl

 **sirlancelot:** EXACTLY

 **sirlancelot:** I WAS GONNA SAY THA

 **hunkerdunker:** thats really funny lolol

 **hunkerdunker:** but is he okay?? :c

 **wall:** yea

 **wall:** hes complaining abt how his back is sore

 **wall:** he also keeps blushing bc he basically got pinned down by his crush

 **sirlancelot:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** lol Shiro’s no better

 **sirlancelot:** lmaoo

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he literally said

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** and i quote

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** “shit Keith I pinned down my crush he’s gonna think I’m a weirdo my life is over aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** the last part was him screaming in anguish

 **hunkerdunker:** LOL I CAN IMAGINE HIM SCREAMING

 **wall:** LMAO HES JUST AS BAD AS MATT

 **sirlancelot:** LMAO DAD CURSED

 **princesskickass:** LMAO KEITH USED A BIG WORD

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** DONT TURN THIS ONTO ME

 **wall:** its so funny

 **wall:** how they’re both pining

 **wall:** yet theyre too oblivious to realize that the other likes them too

 **princesskickass:** lmao its funny

 **princesskickass:** but its also painful to watch

 **hunkerdunker:** yeah;;

 **sirlancelot:** hopefully we can give them a push

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** in the right direction

 **sirlancelot:** :D

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** :)

 **princesskickass:** dammit they’re doing it again

 **sirlancelot:** doing what? :)

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** doing what? :)

 **wall:** being psychic and gross

 **hunkerdunker:** its kinda cute..

 **princesskickass:** anyway

 **princesskickass:** lets not feed their egos

 **wall:** hopefully we can do something about the Shatt™

 **wall:** bc they sure arent gonna figure it out on their own

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** Shiro decided to apologize to Matt

 **sirlancelot:** ooo

 **sirlancelot:** ~drama~

 **wall:** says the drama queen

 **sirlancelot:** xCUSE ME

 **wall:** u’ve been xcused

 **princesskickass:** lmaoo

 **hunkerdunker:** how do u think its gonna go..? :o

 **princesskickass:** i bet someones gonna friendzone smoeone

 **princesskickass:** someone*

 **princesskickass:** dont u dare

 **princesskickass:** lance no i c u typing

 **sirlancelot:** smoeone

 **princesskickass:** i will

 **princesskickass:** dropkick u

 **princesskickass:** to the other side of the fucking earth

 **sirlancelot:** pls do

 **sirlancelot:** i can finally be away from my problems

 **wall:** this got rlly depressing rlly quickly

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** HES DOING IT

 **princesskickass:** SOMEONE WILL GET FRIENDZONED

 **sirlancelot:** allura u watch too many dramas

 **princesskickass:** but u watch them with me

 **sirlancelot:** touché

 **wall:** KEITH TELL US IF ANYTHING HAPPENS

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i got ya

 

**Direct Message: Shiro - > doormatt (1:46 PM)**

**Shiro:** I’m really sorry about yesterday

 **doormatt:** its fine, haha

 **doormatt:** it was funny tbh

 **Shiro:** Still

 **Shiro:** I overreacted

 **Shiro:** I don’t even know if you were the one who changed it or not, but that’s no excuse for what I did

 **Shiro:** I could have hurt you

 **doormatt:** jfc takashi

 **doormatt:** i can imagine u frowning at your phone

 **doormatt:** stop being so uptight

 **doormatt:** its fine, really

 **Shiro:** You sure?

 **doormatt:** would i lie to you?

 **Shiro:** No :)

 **doormatt:** exactly

 **doormatt:** friends forgive each other

 **doormatt:** and we’re ~best friends~

 

_**operation shatt** _

**Sunday, 1:50 PM**

**conspiracyenthusiast:** ok wtf

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he was smiling like a fool a few seconds ago

 **conspiracyenthusiast** : and now hes frowning

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he looks like a kicked puppy

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i feel sadness in my heart

 **wall:** it must be bad if keith is getting sentimental

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** shut up I have emotions

 **hunkerdunker:** sad dad is worst dad :(

 **sirlancelot:** i agree^^^

 **princesskickass:** i bet he got friendzoned

 **wall:** allura no

 **princesskickass:** allura yes

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he got up and just,,, walked away

 **wall:** wow

 **princesskickass:** walkin away from drama be like

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** let me see if I can look at the chat

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** wait nvm hes back

 

**Direct Message: Shiro - > doormatt (1:55 PM)**

**doormatt:** ..takashi?

 **doormatt:** u there?

 **Shiro:** Sorry

 **Shiro:** Keith knocked over a bunch of pots in the kitchen

 **doormatt** : typical

 **Shiro:** Lol

 **Shiro:** But yeah

 **Shiro:** I guess we are

 **doormatt:** u guess???

 **Shiro:** I know

 **Shiro:** we're ~best friends~

 **doormatt:** :D

 **Shiro:** :)

 

_**operation shatt** _

**Sunday, 1:58 PM**

**conspiracyenthusiast:** he just threw his phone on the couch and muttered something about going outside

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** aaaand he slammed the door

 **wall:** wow wtf

 **princesskickass:** ~drama~

 **wall:** matt just yelled “I HATE MYSELF”

 **wall:** and i heard a thump

 **wall:** he prob threw smth at the wall

 **sirlancelot:** hes abusing ur kind

 **wall:** how dARE HE

 **princesskickass:** LMAO

 **hunkerdunker:** o_O

 **hunkerdunker:** what do you think happened???

 **wall:** he

 **sirlancelot:** got

 **princesskickass:** FRIENDZONED

 **wall:** dammit i hit enter early

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** theyre too fast

 **sirlancelot:** ^^

 **princesskickass:** ^^

 **hunkerdunker:** ^^;

 **wall:** ^^;;

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ＼(^^;;)／

 **sirlancelot:** nice (。^_・)ノ

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ~(＾◇^)/

 **wall:** No

 **wall:** stop

 **wall:** pls

 **princesskickass:** keith can u see their convo

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya hold on

 **hunkerdunker:** do u even kno shiros passcode??

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya

 **hunkerdunker:** should u even be going on his phone????

 **wall:** we're his friends

 **princesskickass:** what do u expect

 **hunkerdunker:** fair

 **sirlancelot:** OO

 **sirlancelot:** WHATS HIS PASSCODE

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** 6288

 **sirlancelot:** what's the reason for those numbers

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** it spells out Matt

 **sirlancelot:**.

 **princesskickass:**.

 **hunkerdunker:**.

 **wall:**.

 **hunkerdunker:** :o

 **princesskickass:** omG

 **wall:** that's rlly gross

 **wall:** eW

 **sirlancelot:** THATS SO SWEET OMG

 **princesskickass:** IKR OMG

 **hunkerdunker:** awwww how cute!!

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** lmao it kind of is

 **wall:** ew ok

 **wall:** i checked matt’s phone

 **sirlancelot:** is his passcode shiro

 **wall:** yes.

 **sirlancelot:**!!!!

 **hunkerdunker:** aaaa

 **princesskickass:** they were meant to be omg

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** oh god

 **hunkerdunker:** WHAT

 **hunkerdunker:** what*

 **hunkerdunker:** caps haha sorry

 **sirlancelot:** KEITH WHATS WRONG

 **wall:** how do u kno smths wrong

 **sirlancelot:** IDK I JUST DO

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** it's nothing,,,

 **hunkerdunker:** i dont like those commas..

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** allura was right,,

 **princesskickass:** HE GOT FRIENDZONED???

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya

 **wall:** omg.

 **wall:** i can't believe

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i can tbh

 **sirlancelot:** DRA

 **princesskickass:** MA

 **hunkerdunker:** was shiro the one who got friendzoned?

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** yes

_**conspiracyenthusiast** has sent three (3) images._

**princesskickass:** I TOLD YALL

 **wall:** ok but

 **wall:** matt has a big gay ass crush on shiro

 **wall:** y would he frndzn him

 **sirlancelot:** frndzn

 **sirlancelot:** u couldn't type out the full thing?

 **wall:** its 2 much work

 **wall:** but back 2 my question

 **conspiracyenthusaist:** maybe he panicked?

 **princesskickass:** sounds like matt tbh

 **wall:** ya

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** and hes tryin to act like he doesnt have a big crush

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** or smth

 **sirlancelot:** hmm

 **sirlancelot:** maybe

 **wall:** either way

 **wall:** theyre a lost cause

 **hunkerdunker:** we need to do something!!

 **sirlancelot:** what about the ol “group lunch only everyone ditches, leaving 2 people”

 **princesskickass:** yes

 **hunkerdunker:** oooo

 **wall:** ok but

 **wall:** we all need excuses ??

 **wall:** i mean im in,, but

 **hunkerdunker:** i can say i have a double shift at the coffee shop!

 **princesskickass:** i can say my uncle needs me to help him with something

 **princesskickass:** cause tbh it would prob b true;;

 **sirlancelot:** i can say im watching my siblings

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i’ll

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** uh

 **sirlancelot:** keith can help me

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** what

 **sirlancelot:** what

 **wall:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **princesskickass:** juakfhajfssf

 **sirlancelot:** i mean

 **sirlancelot:** u can use that as ur excuse

 **sirlancelot:** if u want to

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** o h

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** sure

 **hunkerdunker:** :)

 **wall:** :)

 **princesskickass:** :)

 **sirlancelot:** why are u all smiling

 **hunkerdunker:** oh,

 **wal:** no

 **princesskickass:** reason

 **sirlancelot:** keeeiittth theyre bein weird

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** when r they not weird tho

 **sirlancelot:** tru

 **wall:** back to the shatt

 **princesskickass:** lolol still cant get over that ship name

 **hunkerdunker:** me neither;;

 **wall:** when r we gon ask abt the lunch

 

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Sunday, 2:11 PM**

**sirlancelot:** HEY YALL

 **wall:**.

 **princesskickass:** dont ever say yall again

 **princesskickass:** thats my job

 **wall:** and keiths job

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** JUST BECAUSE

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** I WAS BORN IN TEXAS

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** DOESNT MEAN

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** I USE COUNTRY SLANG

 **wall:** it kinda does actually

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** yaint seen the last of me

 **sirlancelot:** ksdhfjsd

 **princesskickass:** LMAO

 **princesskickass:** every country villian ever

 **mattaelipstick:** i come back and see this

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** im being attacked

 **wall:** r u concerned, matt?

 **mattaelipstick:** tbh

 **mattaelipstick:** no

 **wall:** btw wht happened

 **wall:** i heard smth hit the wall earlier

 **shrio:**?

 **sirlancelot:** oh hey dad

 **shrio:** Hi?

 **mattaelipstick:** oh

 **mattaelipstick:** it was nothing

 **mattaelipstick:** i just tripped and slammed into the wall lol

 **shrio:** Oh..

 **shrio:** Are you okay??

 **mattaelipstick:** eya

 **wall:** eya

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** eya

 **sirlancelot:** eya

 **princesskickass:** eya

 **hunkerdunker:** lolol eya

 **mattaelipstick:** stop.

 **wall:**..

 **conspiracyenthusiast:**.

 **sirlancelot:** oh

 **sirlancelot:** a n y w a y

 **sirlancelot:** i summonded u all bc i wanted to ask

 **sirlancelot:** would u all be up for a group lunch next saturday?

 **hunkerdunker:** ooo that sounds good !!

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** yea^^

 **hunkerdunker:** like a picnic or lunch at a restaurant?

 **sirlancelot:** either or works

 **wall:** i think a restaurant is fine

 **princesskickass:** u just dont wanna cook smth, right?

 **wall:** u kno me so well

 **mattaelipstick:** oooh

 **mattaelipstick!** sURE

 **princesskickass:** lmaoo pidge

 **princesskickass:** im up for it too

 **wall:** ya same

 **sirlancelot:** great!! :D

 **hunkerdunker:** ^^

 **mattaelipstick:** takashi? wbu?

 **princesskickass:** ya shiro

 **princesskickass:** u better

 **wall:** or we’ll banish u 2 the moon

 **sirlancelot:** LMAO WHAT

 **wall:** IDK LMAO

 **princesskickass:** ioslkjfdskflc

 **hunkerdunker:** LOL

 **mattaelipstick:** cnsdfj katie om g

 **shrio:** Well then

 **shrio:** Guess you’re going to have to banish me to the moon ^^’

 **mattaelipstick:** wait

 **wall:** whAT

 **sirlancelot:** noooo shirooo D:

 **hunkerdunker:** awwwww.. ;-;

 **shrio:** I’m sorry, kids :(

 **princesskickass:** shiro why

 **shrio:** I have to meet up with someone next Saturday

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** a disappointment of a brother

 **shrio:** You guys can still go without me. I’m sorry.

 **sirlancelot:** cant u meet up with her on like

 **sirlancelot:** sunday??

 **mattaelipstick:**.

 **princesskickass:** lance did u just assume the persons gender

 **wall:** omg wait until tumblr hears abt this!111!!!1!

 **sirlancelot:** oh shit oops

 **shrio:** No, it’s fine

 **shrio:** I mean, you were right.

 **sirlancelot:** wait-

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** arE U GOING ON A DATE???

 **princesskickass:** oH

 **shrio:** njkawfnkjsITSN OT LIKE THAT

 **wall:** i have never seen shiro more disorganized

 **sirlancelot:** wheeze

 **shrio:** SHE WORKS WITH ME

 **shrio:** We’re meeting up to discuss some new plans about the animal shelter.

 **sirlancelot:** oo

 **mattaelipstick:** u cant meet up on sunday..?

 **hunkerdunker:** ya??;;

 **shrio:** She has classes on Sunday

 **shrio:** I’m really sorry

 **princesskickass:** its fine

 **princesskickass:** work comes first :)

 **wall:** ye

 **shrio:** You can go without me though.

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** no

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** its not gon be the same without u

 **wall:** yea

 **wall:** who’s gonna yell at me when i try to order 5 desserts for myself?

 **princesskickass** lmaoo yea

 **princesskickass:** and who's gonna tell us awful jokes and puns?

 **mattaelipstick:** they aren't that bad;;;

 **wall:** uhh ya they kinda are

 **hunkerdunker:** they're ok

 **sirlancelot:** i like them

 **shrio:** Excuse you, my jokes are amazing.

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** no, they suck

 **shrio:** :(

 **sirlancelot:** lolol and who's gonna scold matt when he complains abt being hungry

 **mattaelipstick:** ya

 **mattaelipstick:** who am i gonna lean on and complain too???

 **shrio:** Aw, thanks guys :)

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** man, it would be nice if we could meet up on Sunday

 **sirlancelot:** we cant?

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** shiro and i have our weekly Bro Time™

 **wall:** turn ur Bro Time™ into Friend Time™

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** no way

 **shrio:** Bro Time™ is sacred

 **princesskickass:** lolol don't mess with the Kogane traditions

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** allura gets it!!

 **shrio:** Again, I'm really sorry.

 **shrio:** Maybe we can have lunch together next next Saturday?

 **sirlancelot:** that sounds great!

 **princesskickass:** lmao stop apologizing shiro

 **hunkerdunker:** yay!! :D

 **princesskickass:** and yes!! im in!

 **wall:** sure

 **mattaelipstick:** yeah boiiiiiiiiiii

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** im def in lmao

 **shrio:** :)

 **sirlancelot:** we can figure out details once we get closer 2 the day

 **princesskickass:** mark yo calendars!!!

 **shrio:** Sounds good.

 **shrio:** I have to head on over to work, I'll talk to you guys later.

 **shrio:** Don't die

 **princesskickass:** LMAO

 **sirlancelot:** pfft

 **wall:** thanks, dad

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** you too

 **mattaelipstick:** byEEEE

 **shrio:** bye:)

_**shrio** has disconnected._

 

_**operation shatt** _

**Saturday, 3:42 PM**

**wall:** well

 **wall:** i didnt mean 2 tell them now

 **wall:** but ig that was ok

 **princesskickass:** darnn;;;

 **princesskickass:** cant believe shiro has a date :/

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** its not a date

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he would have told me if it was

 **sirlancelot:** plus, he said it wasnt

 **princesskickass:** ik but still

 **hunkerdunker:** that didnt work out as planned

 **sirlancelot:** at least we're still meeting up!

 **sirlancelot:** it's just… later than we were hoping

 **princesskickass:** how's matt, pidge?

 **wall:** sulking in his room

 **hunkerdunker:** rlly? :o

 **wall:** idk

 **wall:** i'd assume so

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** hm

 **sirlancelot:** so.. we got lunch next next weekend

 **sirlancelot:** but until then,, what do we do?

 **wall:** ;;

 **wall:** WHY IS MATCHMAKING SO DIFFICULT

 **princesskickass:** who knew..

 **hunkerdunker:** D:

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** maybe it cause we're matching 2 idiots together

 **princesskickass:** possibly

_**wall** has changed the group name to **operation get 2 idiots together**._

**sirlancelot:** accurate

 **hunkerdunker:** i can feel the sadness from here;;

 **wall:** this is so depressing wtf

 **princesskickass:**..

 **conspiracyenthusiast:**..

 **sirlancelot:**..

 **wall:**..

 **hunkerdunker:**..

 

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Saturday, 4:15 PM**

**mattaelipstick:** lmao it's so quiet now

 

_**operation get 2 idiots together** _

**Saturday, 4:15 PM**

**princesskickass:** well

 **princesskickass:** should we do anything between now and the lunch?

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** as much as i’d love to

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i cant think of much else to do

 **sirlancelot:** yea

 **sirlancelot:** lets just see how it goes

 **princesskickass:** did matt have any reaction when shiro said he was meeting up w/ someone?

 **wall:** he deflated

 **princesskickass:** ;;;

 **wall:** like

 **wall:** actual deflated

 **wall:** it was depressing to watch

 **hunkerdunker:** were u with him??

 **wall:** yeah

 **wall:** he came downstairs before shiro said that he couldnt go

 **sirlancelot:** oh woW

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** rip matt

 

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Saturday, 4:19 PM**

**mattaelipstick:** guys??

 **mattaelipstick:** sighs

 **mattaelipstick:** lonelyyyy

 **mattaelipstick:** im so lonely,,,,

 **mattaelipstick:** i have nobodyyyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, you thought it would work out, didn't you?  
> who does shiro have a "date" with? will the kids ever successfully matchmake shiro and matt together? will shiro and matt continue to be oblivious idiots? will keith and shiro get their Bro Time™??? will matt be forever alone?!??! find out in the next chapter of "we are (not) number one"!  
> until next time! thanks for reading, writing comments, and leaving kudos! it really means a lot to me!


	10. merry chrysler pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wall:** if ur cool then im sexually attracted to bees
> 
>  **pidge:** but,, ur ace?
> 
>  **wall:** thats
> 
>  **wall:** thats the point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas !! or happy holidays if you dont celebrate christmas! i wasnt originally planning to write a christmas chapter, but then i decided "fuck it" and wrote one. im currently working on part two, and it should either be out later tonight or tomorrow (est timezone). its going to have some written parts in it, since i seemed to have gotten some pretty good responses from the birthday chapter^^ i hope you all enjoy it!  
> also, i lied about there being no plot. there is.. definitely some plot..  
> i realized that i messed up on their names a chapter or two ago. they were only supposed to change in the main group chat, but i accidentally changed them in the operation shatt chat as well. since im too lazy to go back and change the names (sorry), we're just gonna pretend that they also changed their names in "operation shatt" at some point.  
> i ALSO realized that i dont believe i ever told you all who changed shiro's name to shrio. well. here's your answer :)  
> \--  
> names:  
>  **princesskickass:** allura  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **mattaelipstick/pidge:** matt  
>  **conspiracyenthusiast/hangry:** keith  
>  **wall/pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **sirlancelot/razzledazzle:** lance  
>  **shrio:** shiro

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Monday, 7:15 AM**

**sirlancelot:** MERRY CHRYSLER EVERYBODY

 **mattaelipstick:** MERRY CHRISTMAM

 **wall:** HAPPY CAPITALISM

 **princesskickass:** jfksnikWISFSK

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** LMAO

 **sirlancelot:** ITS FINALLY CHRISTMASSSSSSS

 **hunkerdunker:** i like how nobodys concerned about the fact that its 7 am

 **princesskickass:** well its christmas

 **princesskickass:** so we’ll make an exception

 **mattaelipstick:** YA

 **mattaelipstick:** IS TAKASHI STILL ASLEEP

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** no hes making breakfast

 **sirlancelot:** OO WHATS HE MAKIN

 **shrio:** Pancakes

 **mattaelipstick:** TAKASHI

 **mattaelipstick:** MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!

 **shrio:** Merry Christmas :)

 **shrio:** Have you all been good children this year?

 **princesskickass:** you tell us

 **wall:** ya ur our dad :///

 **shrio:** u right

 **shrio:** u all sucked

 **mattaelipstick:** :C

 **hunkerdunker:** aww

 **sirlancelot:** lmao i expected that

 **princesskickass:** same

 **wall:** same

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** lmfao same

 **shrio:** except hunk

 **hunkerdunker:** :D

 **princesskickass:** tru tho

 **mattaelipstick:** ye

 **sirlancelot:** hunk is a ray of sunshine

 **wall:** no

 **wall:** hes the actual sun

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** the best

 **hunkerdunker:** awww guys <3

 **mattaelipstick:** but what about mE

 **shrio:** and matt was pretty good

 **mattaelipstick:** :DDD

 **wall:** lmfao

 **sirlancelot:** lmfao

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** lmfao

 **princesskickass:** lmfao

 **mattaelipstick:** whats so fuNNY

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ,,

 **sirlancelot:**?

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** it smells like somethings burning

 **princesskickass:** uh oh

 **wall:** maybe ur heater is malfunctioning?

 **mattaelipstick:** wouldnt be the first time lolol

 **wall:** i can come fix it

 **hunkerdunker:** shiro, didnt you say u were making pancakes?

 **shrio:** Yeah?

 **shrio:** shit the pancakes

 **princesskickass:** i jUST FEL UOT OFM YCAHIR

 **sirlancelot:** I WOULD B CALING OUT UR TYPOS IF I WASTN LAUGHING SO HAR D

 **wall:** I CAN IMAGINE THE LOOK OF PANIC ON SHIROS FACE

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** IiM DYING

 **hunkerdunker:** THE POOR PANCAKESL MOA

 **mattaelipstick:** taKASHI are u ok?

 **wall:** for once, matt is the concerend one

 **wall:** DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

 **sirlancelot:** concerend

 **princesskickass:** HA

 **princesskickass:** S U F F E R

 **wall:** die

 **wall:** lance i will dropkick u to the moon

 **sirlancelot:** GOOD

 **sirlancelot:** THEN I CAN BE EVEN FARTHER AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** but u’ll miss the christmas celebrations

 **sirlancelot:**..

 **sirlancelot:** suddenly i am conflicted

 **princesskickass:** first world problems

 **hunkerdunker:** my sides hurt from laughing so hard lmaoo

 **mattaelipstick:** shiro

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** hes fine

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** chill ur shit

 **princesskickass:** since when is matt so caring

 **wall:** who r u n what have u done 2 my brother

 **mattaelipstick:** IM STILL ME

 **wall:** prove it

 **mattaelipstick:** ╭∩╮(︶︿︶)╭∩╮

 **wall:** 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** wow siblings

 **sirlancelot:** deja vuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **princesskickass:** SHIRO ARE THE PANCAKES OKAY

 **sirlancelot:** i bet hes mourning their death

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he is

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** he built a shrine for them out of breakfast food

 **wall:** wait fr

 **princesskickass:** why am i not surprised

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** ya

_**conspiracyenthusiast** has sent two (2) images._

_**conspiracyenthusiast** has sent one (1) video._

**wall:** why is that shrine really wellbuilt

 **sirlancelot:** wheeze

 **hunkerdunker:** why is our dad so dramatic;;

 **shrio:** Keith

 **shrio:** Get the candles from the attic

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** Shiro

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** get me some food im fucking hungry

 **mattaelipstick:** daMN

 **wall:** LMFAO

 **princesskickass:** oOOO SHIT

 **sirlancelot:** aisohfnjds

 **hunkerdunker:** i can relate tho

 **shrio:** i feel wounded

 **princesskickass:** keith is vvv hangry

_**conspiracyenthusiast** 's name has been changed to **hangry**. _

**hangry:** i would be angrier if it werent true

 **wall:** speaking of name changing

 **wall:** did we ever find out who changed shiros name?

 **shrio:** no, but i’d like to know.

 **mattaelipstick:** …

 **sirlancelot:** …

 **hunkerdunker:** …

 **princesskickass:** …

 **hangry:** …

 **wall:** …

 **shrio:** …

 **shrio:** Any day now :)

 

_**operation get 2 idiots together** _

**Monday, 7:49 AM**

**conspiracyenthusiast:** it was me

 **wall:** what

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** i was the one who changed it

 **wall:** omg

 **princesskickass:** omg

 **sirlancelot:** omg

 **hunkerdunker:** omg

 **princesskickass:** THAT MAKES IT EVEN FUNNNIER BC MATT DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHIN

 **wall:** IJASJFKDSN

 **hunkerdunker:** LOL I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING BUT

 **sirlancelot:** GJ KEEF

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** *bows* thank u

 **conspiracyenthusiast:** thank u very much

 

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Monday, 7:54 AM**

**shrio:** Is anyone gonna speak up?

 **wall:** no

 **hangry:** nah

 **princesskickass:** nope

 **hunkerdunker:** not really

 **sirlancelot:** we’ll pass

 **shrio:** This is why you’re all bad children

 **shrio:** What about Matt?

 **wall:** he making breakfast

 **princesskickass:** lmao is he making pancakes

 **hangry:** shiro just burst into tears tHANKS ALLURA

 **wall:** even if he was

 **wall:** he definitely wouldnt burn them

 **hangry:** nOW HE S FULL ON SOBBING

 **sirlancelot:** lmaooo

 **mattaelipstick:** lmao poor takashi

 **hunkerdunker:** lolol

 **hunkerdunker:** what r u making, matt?

 **mattaelipstick:** oatmeal^^;

 **princesskickass:** boring

 **wall:** then why tf do u have a casserole dish out

 **sirlancelot:** ooo EXPOSED

 **hunkerdunker:** oven baked oatmeal?

 **wall:** tf is that

 **princesskickass:** its oatmeal

 **princesskickass:** baked in an _oven_

 **wall:** wow thanks.

 **princesskickass:** glad i could help :)

 **sirlancelot:** i just googled it and now im hungry

 **hangry:** r u hangry like me

 **sirlancelot:** nah

 **hunkerdunker:** do u want me to make some, lance?

 **hunkerdunker:** i have a recipe lol

 **sirlancelot:**!!

 **sirlancelot:** have i ever told u how much i love u

 **hunkerdunker:** all the time^^

 **hangry:** :(

 **princesskickass:** dont be sad

 **princesskickass:** then ur not hangry anymore

 **wall:** y r u sad anyway

 **hangry:** no reason

 **wall:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **mattaelipstick:** sorry i was COOKING

 **mattaelipstick:** first of all i actually make really good oatmeal

 **wall:** i hate to say hes right

 **wall:** but hes right

 **mattaelipstick:** :)

 **mattaelipstick:** second of all

 **mattaelipstick:** im gonna start preparing the french toast casserole for tonight

 **wall:** o ya

 **hunkerdunker:** ooo i love french toast casserole

 **hunkerdunker:** if you have any leftover, could i have some? :D

 **mattaelipstick:** ofc

 **mattaelipstick:** then u can see what i great chef i am

 **sirlancelot:** ur not better than hunk tho

 **mattaelipstick:** yea im not rip

 **princesskickass:** hunk’s the best chef

 **hunkerdunker:** why are u all so nice to me;;

 **hangry:** cause u deserve all the love in the world

 **wall:** ^

 **shrio:** ^

 **sirlancelot:** ^

 **mattaelipstick:** ^

 **princesskickass:** ^

 **hunkerdunker:** aiuhfdskj im blushing

 **hunkerdunker:** anyway, im gonna go make breakfast

 **sirlancelot:** :D

 **hunkerdunker:** u wanna help?

 **sirlancelot:** ooo

 **wall:** i take that as a yes lmao

 **hangry:** cya guys

 **hunkerdunker:** byee

 **princesskickass:** SAVE ME SOME OATMEAL

 **mattaelipstick:** okay!

 **princesskickass:** NOT YOU

 **mattaelipstick:** D:

 **sirlancelot:** lmao i’ll be sure to save u some allura

 **princesskickass:** ayy

 **sirlancelot:** bye byeee

 **shrio:** Goodbye^^

 **hangry:** merry christmas!

 **sirlancelot:** :D

_**hunkerdunker** has disconnected. _

_**sirlancelot** has disconnected. _

**wall:** matt do u need any help

 **mattaelipstick:** not rlly

 **wall:** good cause i wasnt gonna help anywya

 **princesskickass:** lmaoo that typo

 **mattaelipstick:** D:

 **hangry:** good thing lance isnt here

_**sirlancelot** just connected. _

**sirlancelot:** anywya

_**sirlancelot** has disconnected. _

**wall:** fuKCKIGN

 **princesskickass:** im crying

 **shrio:** i have no words

 **hangry:** the Fuck

 **mattaelipstick:** LMFAO

 **wall:** WHAT JUST HAPPENED

 **princesskickass:** lance was summoned by his lover

 **hangry:** excuse u

 **hangry:** lover??

 **princesskickass:** yes

 **hangry:** fight me

 **mattaelipstick:** takashi get the popcorn

 **shrio:** on it

 **wall:** fight fight fight

 **wall:** oh wait

 **wall:** keith did u ever get ur pancakes

 **hangry:** :)

 **shrio:** o

 **shrio:** uhh matt the popcorn might have to wait

 **mattaelipstick:** take ur time, sweetie~

 **princesskickass:** gross

 **hangry:** lmao shiro’s like bright red rn

 **shrio:** do youw ant your food or not

 **princesskickass:** oo typo

 **wall:** and its a dad typo too

_**sirlancelot** just connected. _

**sirlancelot:** youw

_**sirlancelot** has disconnected. _

**shrio:**??

 **princesskickass:** lmA O HOW IS HE DOING THTA

 **mattaelipstick:** magic

 

**Monday, 7:58 PM**

**princesskickass:** wow

 **princesskickass:** can u believe that its been 12 hours since we spoke in this chat

 **shrio:** tbh its pretty hard to believe

 **wall:** time flies by fast

 **sirlancelot:** how was everyones day?? :D

 **princesskickass:** it was rlly nice

 **princesskickass:** coran was the vodka aunt

 **wall:** as always

 **sirlancelot:** lolol

 **hunkerdunker:** lance and i had a great time!!

 **sirlancelot:** ye^^

 **princesskickass:** wbu pidge?

 **mattaelipstick:** I CAN ANSWER THAT

 **wall:** is ur name pidge

_**mattaelipstick** 's name has been changed to **pidge**._

**pidge:** yes

 **wall:** fair

 **pidge:** anyway it was a lot of fun

 **pidge:** the food was really good

 **pidge:** it was nice to talk to some of our cousins

 **princesskickass:** what did u talk about?

 **pidge:** oh you kknoww

 **pidge:** cool stuff that you guys would never understand

 **wall:** they gushed about cute boys

 **pidge:** reported and blocked. reason: exposing cool older brother

 **sirlancelot:** LMFAO

 **wall:** if ur cool then im sexually attracted to bees

 **pidge:** but,, ur ace?

 **wall:** thats

 **wall:** thats the point

 **princesskickass:** im facepalming and cackling at the same time

 **pidge:**??

 **pidge:** OH

 **pidge:** HOW RUDE

 **sirlancelot:** iosjkfsokl

 **wall:** HOW DID IT TAKE U SO LONG TO GET IT

 **pidge:** IDK I THINK THE FOOD IS GETTING TO MY HEAD

 **hunkerdunker:** you’ll still be able to come over tho, right?

 **pidge:** ya ofc

 **wall:** we got the leftover french toast

 **shrio:** Keith and I can bring a few movies, but we don’t have enough food to bring. Sorry.

 **hunkerdunker:** oh its fine!! we’ve got plenty

 **sirlancelot:** o btw, how were u and keith?

 **shrio:** I’m fine

 **princesskickass:**...and keith is..?

 **shrio:** Not fine but he’s managing

 **sirlancelot:** :C

 **hunkerdunker:** aww

 **wall:** permission to beat up whoever hurt him?

 **shrio:** as much as i’d love to give you permission, i dont think u can

 **wall:** dont care im goin in anyway

 **pidge:** u dont even know who hurt him??

 **wall:** i have a p good suspicion

 **sirlancelot:** u do?

 **wall:** lisen, we conspiracy theorists stick together

 **princesskickass:** fair

 **wall:** shiro im coming over

 **shrio:** wh??

 **pidge:** buT

 **wall:** the three of us will meet up at hunk and lances place later

 **princesskickass:** okay

 **shrio:** door’s unlocked

 **pidge:** hhhH

 **sirlancelot:** pidge

 **pidge:** yes?

 **wall:** what

 **wall:** fuck off matt

 **pidge:** （＾＿－）≡★

 

**Direct Message: razzledazzle - > pidgearoni (8:13 PM)**

**razzledazzle:** please take care of keith for me

 **pidgearoni:** i will

 **pidgearoni:** dw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a bird! its a plane! its a cliffhanger!  
> sorry :))  
> but look at that shatt and klance. wow. development, amirite?  
> petition for hunk to receive all the love in the world <3 anyone wanna sign?  
> anyway, time for me to be really sappy: thank you so much for over 300 kudos!! like,, wow. i'll look at fics with hundreds of kudos and be like "wow i wish that was me" and now it pretty much is! regardless of whether or not this is a chat fic, it's gotten a lot of attention-- much more than i ever expected it to. im so so glad that i've been able to put smiles on people's faces! its an amazing feeling, to wake up to comments with people saying that they actually ENJOY this! seriously, i cant thank you all enough for the support that you've given me, and thank you for being so understanding when i haven't been able to update. my life is a mess right now, but im glad i can find comfort in this story, this fandom, and this website in general <3 i hope you all continue to enjoy this fic! i have no idea when or where this fic is going to end, but i hope you'll all be there to witness it!  
> tl;dr: thank you so much for the support <33 it really means a lot to me!  
> sappy stuff aside, there's definitely going to be some deeper stuff. i have no idea where im going with this, but i'll figure something out ^^;  
> im also writing some fics for another fandom! as you all know, i wrote a bts-centric chapter a few chapters ago. im actually working on a bts soulmate au and a bts chat fic! i hope to have the sm au posted before my winter break ends, so if you're a fan of bts, specifically jikook, yoonseok, and namjin, then keep an eye out for it! if not, then you can completely disregard this message lol  
> i hope to have the second half up soon! thank you for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and support that you've given this mess of a fic! see you all soon~


	11. merry chrysler pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sirlancelot:** all of it was alluras idea;;
> 
> **princesskickass:** if u kno whats good for u, u wont expose me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're going to pretend im not two days late ok hi here is your totally on time update  
> i realize that this chapter is rather short, sorry about that D: i didnt really know what to put,,  
> shatt is so oblivious. i cri T_T also, i saw some of you guys scream at me about hurting keith. dont worry,, you'll find out what happened... eventually..  
> names (shiro and matt dont text in this chapter rip):  
>  **alluringyouin/princesskickass:** allura  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **conspiracyenthusiast:** keith  
>  **wall:** pidge  
>  **sirlancelot/razzledazzle:** lance  
> 

** Direct Message: alluringyouin -> razzledazzle (8:30 PM) **

**alluringyouin:** im omw

**alluringyouin:** did u guys put up the things

**razzledazzle:** yep :)

**alluringyouin:** perfect !

**alluringyouin:** our plan is coming together

**razzledazzle:** muahaha

**alluringyouin:** do the others know?

**razzledazzle:** not yet

**alluringyouin:** ok i’ll tell them

**alluringyouin:** this is gonna be great

**alluringyouin:** im sure itll work out wonderfully!!

**alluringyouin:** aaa

**alluringyouin:** lance?

**razzledazzle:** lolol sorry i forgot where they wer

**alluringyouin:**...did u…

**razzledazzle:** ^^;

**alluringyouin:** i cant believe you

 

_**operation get 2 idiots together** _

**Monday, 9:21 PM**

**wall:** i feel like im a spy

**wall:** jumping from one tile to the next while angrily staring at the ceiling

**sirlancelot:** do spies stare at the ceiling?

**hunkerdunker:** probably

**hunkerdunker:** to look for cameras and lasers maybe

**princesskickass:** but arent they always staring at the tiles??

**hunkerdunker:** tru,,

**wall:** YUO HUNG THEM IN THE WERIDEDST PLACES

**wall:** I WAS WKLKING WITH MATT AND WE PASSED AN OVERHEAD LIGHT AND I HAD TO DUCK AND SLIDE TO THE GROUND

**wall:** THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WAS PRICELESS BUT NOW MY KNEE HURTS

**sirlancelot:** all of it was alluras idea;;

**princesskickass:** if u kno whats good for u, u wont expose me

**wall:** matt hasnt noticed any

**sirlancelot:** neither has shiro

**princesskickass:** hm

**wall:** k so

**wall:** theyre oblivious enough to not see them but how r we gon get them under 1

**conspiracyenthusiast:** shiro just said hes going to look for u guys

**wall:** perfect

**wall:** wish me luck

_**wall** has disconnected. _

**hunkerdunker:** why do i have a bad feeling about this

**princesskickass:** you could’ve said no^^

**hunkerdunker:** but i want them to get together

**sirlancelot:** first world problems lolol

* * *

 

“Katie?” Pidge pocketed their phone, a small hum escaping from their lips, signalling that they were listening. “What were you looking at?”

The short teen spared a glance at their brother. Ah, Matt. So naive. “I was talking to Keith.” It wasn’t a total lie, if you didn’t include the fact that Keith has said about two things during the whole conversation.

Their eyes darted to the wall behind Matt, and they chose to stare at it instead of making direct eye contact. Despite not focusing on their brother, Pidge could tell that he was raising his eyebrow. “Really..” His voice trailed off, and they didn’t miss the slight hint of suspicion that was laced in his voice. “What did he say?”

Pidge averted their gaze from the wall to the ceiling, deciding to focus on searching for any more pesky plants. They shrugged their shoulders, no particular emotion on their face. “Something about Shiro--”

That was apparently all Matt had to hear before he started to launch questions at his sibling. “Shiro? What about him? Is he okay? Is _Keith_ okay? Are they leaving? Did Shiro break something? Hurt himself? Katie, _what happened_?!”

It was endearing, how much he cared for Shiro. At the same time, however, it was also disgusting.

“Calm your shit, they’re fine.” They attempted to comfort him by acting nonchalant about the whole situation. Unfortunately, that didn’t have much of an affect.

“Are you sure? Nobody’s bleeding to death, right?! We don’t need to call 911? We don’t need-”

“Matt!” Their voice, cutting him off, came out slightly louder than they had anticipated it to. It hit the walls of the hall and echoed, drawing Matt’s rapid fire questions to an end. The smaller exhaled slowly in an attempt to calm themselves and Matt down. “Listen. They’re both fine. Keith just said that Shiro was going to be looking for us. Nobody’s leaving, nobody’s dying.”

It was comedic, how Matt visibly deflated in relief once he heard those words. Pidge couldn’t help but scoff. “You know, when you’re in love, you’re really dumb. You’re typically stupid on your own, so you could imagine how dumb you must be while you’re in love.”

“Katie, I swear to god.”

“Or maybe you’re so stupid that you can’t even imagine it!”

“I will end you.” Matt playfully lunged out to his sibling, causing them to squeal as they easily dodged the attack. The two ran around the house, yelling and shouting at each other in delight.

Their makeshift game of tag came to an end when Matt collided, face first, into a broad chest.

“Matt! Pidge! There you two are!”

Ah. _Shiro_.

“Hey dad,” they greeted the tall male casually. Matt, on the other hand, was bright red in the face. His eyes were wide open as he  sputtered an apology, and if Pidge wasn’t on a mission, they would have been on the ground cackling. Instead, their eyes slowly scanned the area, searching, searching.

_There._

“Found ya,” They muttered under their breath. Luckily enough, the murmur was too quiet for the other two to hear. “Now to get them over there.”

Pidge spared a glance at the two older boys. Both of their faces were dusted in light pink, and they pointedly avoided each other’s gazes. It was endearing, in an annoyingly disgusting way.

Focusing on the task at hand, Pidge inched towards the two conversing men. “Hey guys,” they whispered.

The two simply continued to talk, as if the young teen hadn’t even spoken. They frowned and tried again.

“Shiro. Matt. I wanna show you guys something.”

However, there was still no response. Their subtle flirting had gone from cute to annoying in a matter of two minutes. “Wow, you guys are lost causes.” Pidge crossed their arms and pouted, yet no response was given. Sighing dramatically, they whipped out their phone and reported the results.

* * *

 

_**operation get 2 idiots together** _

**Monday, 9:36 PM**

_**wall** just connected. _

**wall:** it didndt work :(

**sirlancelot:** didndt

**princesskickass:** what didnt work?

**wall:** my master plan

**conspiracyenthusiast:** which was..?

**wall:** to get them under a mistletoe

**sirlancelot:** did they notice it?

**wall:** no

**wall:** more like they were so occupied with each other that they basically forgot i was there

**princesskickass:** rip pidge

**hunkerdunker:** riprip

**sirlancelot:** we’ll figure smth out

**princesskickass:** anyway tell them 2 get their butts over here

**sirlancelot:** we’re about to start the movie !!

**princesskickass:**  WE'RE PLAYING THE LION KING

**hunkerdunker:** NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

**conspiracyenthusiast:** ZABENYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**wall:** the best movie

**sirlancelot:**  I SECOND THAT

**princesskickass:** I THIRD THAT

**princesskickass:**  SO TELL THEM TO GET OVER HERE

**wall:** i’ll try

**wall:** they might not even hEAR ME

**sirlancelot:** that bad?

**wall:** e.e

**conspiracyenthusiast:** try to see if u can have them walk under one while ur walking over here

**wall:** i’ll try

* * *

 

“Alright lovebirds, break it up.” Pidge shoved their way in between the two men, finally breaking up their conversation and dragging them back into reality. A smirk appeared on their face when Shiro spluttered indigintantly and Matt slapped their shoulder. “Allura and Lance said that we should get over to the living room. They’re about to start the movie.”

Both of them relaxed slightly. Matt grinned. “Well, what are we waiting for?” He asked cheekily, eliciting an eye roll from Pidge.

“You. _I’m_ wait on _you guys_ so that we can go.”

His grin turned into a pout. “Fine, fine.” He waved a hand dismissively and started to walk away. Shiro walked briskly to catch up with the brunette, and Pidge trailed behind them, trying to recall where the other mistletoes were hung. They filtered through their head, vaguely recalling where a few may be located. It was almost impossible, how fast their mind worked; as if it were a computer.

They remembered one particular mistletoe that was by the laundry room. If they took the long way around.. towards the back of the kitchen..

“Hey!” The teen exclaimed suddenly. The two older men turned around in confusion. “Let’s go this way.” They smiled innocently and started to turn towards the left without even letting them respond.

“Doesn’t that take us to the kitchen though?” Clearly confused, Matt placed a hand on his sibling’s shoulder, pulling them back. They let out a squeak of annoyance.

“Well, yes.” They pushed their glasses up, feigning innocence. “I wanna see what Hunk made though.”

Matt chuckled, as if that were the funniest thing he had ever heard. “Stop trying to be innocent. You just want to steal some food before we eat, right?”

_No, you dummy. I wanna get you and Shiro to kiss underneath a god damn plant._

“Wow, you know me too well.” The amber eyed child grinned, and their brother returned the smile. Shiro, who had been quiet the whole time, let out a small laugh, before telling them that they should hurry along. Once again, Pidge trailed behind the two as they chatted, grumbling under their breath about how oblivious the two older ones were.

The three made their way back to the living room. No matter what Pidge tried to do, they couldn’t get Shiro and Matt under one of the mistletoes. After a third attempt, they gave up, opting to cross their arms and pout the whole way back.

As soon as they reached the others, Matt turned towards the kitchen to check on the food. Shiro sat on the carpet, leaning against the bottom of one of the arm chairs. Pidge, who had been trailing behind them, stood at the entrance of the living area with an eyebrow raised at their brother.

“Where are you going, Matt?” They asked, watching him stroll across the lounge.

He yelled over his shoulder, “To the kitchen!”

“But we could have walked back there earlier?!” They shouted with exasperation. Matt, who was already out of sight, didn’t respond, and Pidge could imagine him shrugging his shoulders in a “whatever” motion.

The small brunette let out a long sigh as they collapsed on the couch beside Allura, draping themself on top of her. The others giggled and turned to look at them.

“And you say I’m the dramatic one?” Lance whisper-complained, cocking an eyebrow when Pidge let out a groan of irritation

Keith smirked. “And so, the Shatt evades us yet again.”

“WHAT’S A SHATT AND WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT?!” Matt shouted from the next room, causing laughs to be drawn out from the younger ones.

Instead of responding, Pidge opted to exclaim, “Merry fuckin’ Christmas!” They threw their hands up and sat up, grinning when Shiro threw a pillow at them. He tried to seem angry, but the smile on his face gave away his true emotions.

The small teen threw the pillow back, cackling when it hit Keith’s brother directly in the face. Shiro fell to the ground dramatically, letting out a fake cry of pain, and Matt ran from the kitchen to see what was going on.

“Katie!” He gasped in fake horror. “How dare you hurt my man!” Pidge’s cackles only grew louder, now joined by Lance’s wheezing and snickers from Hunk and Allura.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it, airhead?”

Matt merely grinned and grabbed two nearby cushions. “ATTACK!!!”

Before they all knew it, pillows and blankets were being thrown around the living room. Screeches and laughs filled the air, and _The Lion King_ was playing softly in the background, long forgotten as the seven friends enjoyed their Christmas night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll have you know i've never watched the lion king lmao sorry my parents never showed it to me :'( hoWeVeR i have seen enough memes to know what its (mostly) about  
> this is probably going to be my last update before the new year. gosh?? i cant believe theres only a few more days of 2017. wtf. time flies by so fast. this year has been crazy;;  
> i'll see you all again in 2018 !! unless you end up reading one of my other fics before the year ends, haha. happy new year, i hope the last few days of 2017 go smoothly for you all, and i hope that you all have a good year next year <3


	12. what is sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mattress:** RING IT ON  
>  **razzledazzle:** if u liked it  
>  **alluringyouin:** then u shouldve put a ring on it  
>  **pidgearoni:** he should put a ring on shiro  
>  **mattress:** yOu KnOw WhAt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop whoop, first update of 2018 yall!!  
> we got a snow day today :D so i figured i'd take this opportunity to post this chapter today! this was originally going to be chapter 10, before i decided to write the christmas special.  
> i kind of forgot about the "user just connected/has disconnected" feature, so i used it in this chapter. but,, i probably used it a bit too much lolol  
> enjoy <3  
> \--  
> names:  
>  **princesskickass/alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk (although hes only mentioned in this chapter)  
>  **pidge/doormatt/mattress:** matt  
>  **hangry/keef:** keith  
>  **wall/pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **sirlancelot/razzledazzle/lancey:** lance  
>  **shrio/Shiro:** shiro

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Thursday, 2:43 AM**

**sirlancelot:** 90% of the things i watch

 **sirlancelot:** i watch with my eyes

 **princesskickass:** lance.

 **hangry:** ITS 2 AM

 **pidge:** yet ur awake

 **wall:** y r we all awake

 **princesskickass:** shiro’s not

 **shrio:** Children.

 **pidge:** dammit

 **wall:** ALLURA Y DID U SUMMON HIM

 **princesskickass:** IM SORRY DAMMIT

 **wall:** shiro why r u awake

 **shrio:** I think the real question is

 **shrio:** Why are you all awake?

 **sirlancelot:** i had to tell u all smth important

 **princesskickass:** wait wtf

 **princesskickass:** 90%??

 **pidge:** that doesnt even make sense lmfao

 **hangry:** what about the other 10%..

 **wall:** LMAO

 **sirlancelot:** it was dark

 **princesskickass:** what

 **pidge:** and??

 **sirlancelot:** the video quality was low

 **sirlancelot:** it wasnt worth it to watch it with the eyes

 **hangry:** “the” eyes

 **wall:** AM I THE ONLY 1 WHO FINDS THIS FUNNY

 **sirlancelot:** i used telepathy

 **princesskickass:** jksndfkjsdnf

 **pidge:** telEPATHY I CA N T

 **hangry:** iM still kinda con f used

 **wall:** LMAO

 **shrio:** Please go to bed

 **shrio:** You have school/work tomorrow

 **sirlancelot:** more like today

 **shrio:** ur not helping,,,

 **wall:** ok gn

 **_wall_ ** _has disconnected._

 **shrio:** oh

 **sirlancelot:** wtf

 **princesskickass:**??

 **pidge:** pidge?? going to bed?? impossible

 **hangry:** pfft

 **sirlancelot:** noW IM CONFUSED

 

**Direct Message: mothmansman - > razzledazzle (2:48 AM)**

**_mothmansman_ ** _has sent one (1) screenshot._

 **razzledazzle:** PFFT

 **mothmansman:** ye lolol

 **razzledazzle:** shouldve known they weren't actually gonna sleep

 **mothmansman:** u actually thought they were?

 **razzledazzle:**..maybe

 **mothmansman:** laNCE

 **razzledazzle:** keITH

 **razzledazzle:** anyway

 **razzledazzle:** i'll tell hunk

 **mothmansman:** kk i'll tell allura

 **mothmansman:** pidge already told matt

 **razzledazzle:** okie

 

**(2:59 AM)**

**razzledazzle:** nvm just remembered

 **razzledazzle:** hunks asleep

 **mothmansman:** don't u live with him tho??

 **razzledazzle:** …

 **mothmansman:** how did u foRGET

 **razzledazzle:** IM SORRY ITS 3 AM I CANT THINK

 **mothmansman:** relatable ig

 **mothmansman:** anyway i told allura

 **razzledazzle:** good

 **razzledazzle:** lets go then!!

 **mothmansman:** ^^

 

_**DID YOU SEE MY BAG?** _

**Thursday, 3:02 AM**

**pidge:** but takashiiiiii

 **hangry:** so whiny

 **princesskickass:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **sirlancelot:** hsvuchdbc

 **shrio:** No buts

 **shrio:** Go to bed, children.

 **pidge:** iM THE SAME AGE AS U

 **shrio:** No, you're three months younger

 **pidge:** i hate

 **sirlancelot:** no u dont lolol

 **pidge:** UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

 **princesskickass:** the shatt game is strong

 **hangry:** very

 **sirlancelot:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **pidge:** WHY DO U KEEP TALKING ABOUT A SHATT

 **shrio:** There it is again..

 **princesskickass:** lol

 **sirlancelot:** lol

 **hangry:** lol

 **shrio:**??

 **pidge:** TF IS A SHATT

 **princesskickass:** nothing

 **sirlancelot:** nothing

 **hangry:** nothing

 **pidge:** ;;

 **shrio:** ;;

 **sirlancelot:** hehehe

 **princesskickass:** anyway

 **princesskickass:** ig i'll go to bed

 **shrio:** Good

 **shrio:** See, Allura is a good child. Learn from her.

 **hangry:** ok

 **hangry:** gn

 **shrio:** wait what

 **sirlancelot:** nooo keeeef

 **hangry:** sorry lanceeee

 **shrio:** Anyway, you guys really need to go to bed.

 **princesskickass:** lol i was just kidding

 **princesskickass:** never

 **sirlancelot** : fine

 **pidge:** fineeee

 **hangry:** fineeeeeee

 **princesskickass:** ..

 **shrio:** oh

 **pidge:** GN BITCHES

 **_pidge_ ** _has disconnected._

 **shrio:** mATT HOLT DONT CURSE IN THIS HOUSE

 **shrio:** ...And he’s gone

 **hangry** : but he doesnt live in our house lol

 **sirlancelot:** unless you want him toooooo

 **princesskickass:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **shrio:** werent you all going to bed

 **sirlancelot:** ya

 **hangry:** fine

 **hangry** : i’ll be a good brother

 **sirlancelot:** i’ll be a good child

 **hangry:**  goodnight allura

 **hangry:** gn lance

 **sirlancelot:** nightnight!!!

_**hangry** has disconnected. _

**_sirlancelot_ ** _has disconnected._

 **shrio:** Can’t believe he didn’t say goodnight to me :’(

 **princesskickass:** lmao rip

 **shrio:** You need to go to bed too, Allura.

 **princesskickass:** lmao

 **shrio:** Allura.

 **princesskickass:** fine

 **princesskickass:** gn shiro

 **shrio:** At least someone is nice enough to say gn to me.

 **shrio:** Night, Allura.

 **_princesskickass_ ** _has disconnected._

 **shrio:** the sweet sound of silence

 **_shrio_ ** _has disconnected._

 

**Thursday, 3:05 AM**

**_pidgearoni_ ** _just connected._

 **_pidgearoni_ ** _has added_ **_chocolatechunk, doormatt, mothmansman, razzledazzle,_ ** _and_ **_alluringyouin_ ** _to the groupchat!_

 **_alluringyouin_ ** _just connected._

 **_alluringyouin_ ** _has changed the groupchat name to_ **_sike_** _!_

 **_doormatt_ ** _just connected._

 **pidgearoni** : i was gonna change it

 **alluringyouin:** :)

 **pidgearoni:** :(

 **_razzledazzle_ ** _just connected._

 **doormatt:** lmao takashi’s great

 **razzledazzle:** ya ;)))

 **doormatt:** but he can be so stuPID sometimes

 **alluringyouin:** the irony

 **doormatt:** ??

 **pidgearoni:** u wouldnt get it

 **doormatt:** :((

 **razzledazzle:** still

 **razzledazzle:** i cant believe he fell for it

 **alluringyouin:** lmao he actually thinks we’re gonna sleep

 **razzledazzle:** also, hunk is sleeping

 **razzledazzle:** so

 **_hunkerdunker_ ** _has been removed from the chat._

 **razzledazzle:** cant wake up the sunshine

 **alluringyouin:** yes

 **alluringyouin** : let the sunshine sleep

 **pidgearoni:** ya

 **razzledazzle:** also wheres keith

 **doormatt:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **pidgearoni:** lolol

 **alluringyouin:** ;))

 **razzledazzle:**???

 **razzledazzle:** wHAT

 **pidgearoni:** nothin ;)

 **alluringyouin:** but fr wheres keef

 **razzledazzle:** xcuse u

 **razzledazzle:** im the only 1 who can call him keef

 **alluringyouin:** o rly

 **razzledazzle:** yeS

 **doormatt:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **pidgearoni:** mat does ur vocabulary consist of only lenny faces

 **doormatt:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **pidgearoni:** shouldve expected tht

 **razzledazzle:** mat

 **alluringyouin:** mat

 **doormatt:** doormat

 **alluringyouin:** matres

 **razzledazzle:** MATTRESS

 **_doormatt_** _'_ _s name has been changed to_ **_mattress_** _._

 **pidgearoni:** did my typo just give matt a new nickname

 **razzledazzle:** yes

 **pidgearoni:** oh ok

 **pidgearoni:** WElL UR WELCOME

 **mattress:** thank u!!! (◦′ᆺ‵◦) ♬° ✧❥✧¸.•*¨*✧♡✧ ℒℴѵℯ ✧♡✧*¨*•.❥

 **pidgearoni:** die

 **mattress:** ☆*✲ﾟ*｡(((´♡‿♡`+)))｡*ﾟ✲*☆

 **pidgearoni:** plz no

 **alluringyouin:** lmao i’ll prepare ur grave

 **mattress:** (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

 **pidgearoni:** it rlly isnt that big of adea l

 **mattress:** (๑♡⌓♡๑)

 **pidgearoni:** stoP

 **mattress:** i have too much love to give （´・｀ ）♡

 **_mothmansman_ ** _just connected._

 **razzledazzle:** im wheezing

 **mothmansman:** the first thing i c when i come back

 **mothmansman:** is matt showering pidge in love

 **pidgearoni:** plz end me

 **pidgearoni:** go give ur love to shiro or smth

 **alluringyouin:** oooOOO THEY WENT THERE

 **mothmansman:** oohohh shit

 **mattress:** DO U WANNA FITE

 **pidgearoni:** yea

 **mattress:** RING IT ON

 **razzledazzle:** if u liked it

 **alluringyouin:** then u shouldve put a ring on it

 **pidgearoni:** he should put a ring on shiro

 **mattress:** yOu KnOw WhAt

 **razzledazzle:** KEEF

 **alluringyouin:** took u long enough

 **mothmansman:** LANCEY

 **pidgearoni:** pls hold the fight matt

 **pidgearoni:** klance comes first

 **alluringyouin:** thats so cute wtf im crying bYE

 **mattress:** ‘’’’lancey’’’’ wtF omg

 **razzledazzle:**!!!

 **razzledazzle:** ur just jealous that we have cute nicknames for each other and u guys dont!!!

 **pidgearoni:** whY would we be jealous abt tht

 **razzledazzle:**!!!!!!!!!

 **mothmansman:** shhhh

 **_razzledazzle_** _’s name has been changed to_ **_lancey_** _._

 **_mothmansman_** _’s name has been changed to_ **_keef_** _._

 **pidgearoni:** oh my god

 **keef:** u good now?

 **lancey:** (♡ >ω< ♡)

 **keef:** ♡＾▽＾♡

 **alluringyouin:** brb sobbing

 **mattress:** wow goals tho

 **pidgearoni:** u say that like u and shiro arent

 **mattress:** wE aReNt EvEn DaTiNg

 **keef:** but we arent either??

 **pidgearoni:** tbh matt u 2 might as well be dating

 **lancey:** lmfao pidge stop hitting a nerve

 **pidgearoni:** (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

 **mattress:** :((((

 

**_operation klance_ **

**Thursday, 3:46 AM**

**_pidgearoni_ ** _has changed the groupchat name to_ **_keef x lancey_ ** _._

 **alluringyouin:** sToP mAkInG mE cRy

 **doormatt:** so cute aaaa

 **_Shiro_ ** _just connected._

 **Shiro:** wtf i thought u guys were asleep

 **doormatt:** SHIT

 **pidgearoni:** OH FUCK

 **alluringyouin:** PIDGE

 **pidgearoni:** GOD DAMMIT

 **alluringyouin:** GOTTA NYOOM

 **Shiro:** chILDREn

 

**_sike_ **

**Thursday, 3:49 AM**

**mattress:** PIDGE BLEW OUR COVER

 **pidgearoni:** SHIIIIT IM SORY

 **keef:** WTF

 **lancey:** HOW

 **alluringyouin:** LONG STORY

 **alluringyouin:** BUT KEIITH U MIGHT WANNA HIDE

 **keef:** sHIT HES KNOCKIN ON MY DOO RR

 **_keef_ ** _has disconnected._

 **lancey:** NOOOO KEEF

 **alluringyouin:** wELl WE’RE FUCKE D

 **pidgearoni:** OH GOD HES TALKIN G IN THE GROUP CAHT

 **mattress:** WAIT I GOT DIS

 

**_DID YOU SEE MY BAG?_ **

**Thursday, 3:51 AM**

**shrio:** children :)

 **shrio:** we need to talk :)

 **pidge:** is it bad that i find that kind of hot

 **shrio:** JIOSKJFISKJJFISDK WHAT

 **princesskickass:** NICE ONE

 **wall:** FOR ONCE IM GLAD MY BROTHER IS KIND OF SMART

 **sirlancelot:** LETS BOLT

 **princesskickass:** Y E E T

 **_wall_ ** _has disconnected._

 **_sirlancelot_ ** _has disconnected._

 **_princesskickass_ ** _has disconnected._

_**pidge** has disconnected. _

**shrio:** fuJKNFJAKFNIASKJFN

 **shrio:** FINE

 **shrio:** I STILL HAVE KEITH THO

 **shrio:** wait wtf

 **shrio:** KEITH WHERE R U

 **shrio:** KEiTh

 **shrio:** oh

 **shrio:** my god

 **shrio:** i will murder matt

 **_shrio_ ** _has disconnected._

 

**Direct Message: mothmansman - > razzledazzle (3:58 AM)**

**mothmansman:** im omw

 **razzledazzle:** doors unlocked ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)

 **mothmansman:** (๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜♡॰ॱ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can smell the klance from a mile away :)))  
> anyway, ig we're gonna get into plot stuff soon. the next chapter might (will probably) feature shiro's "mystery date". i promise we'll make progress on the ships soon, but this was more of a cracky chapter then anything. the first part, with lance blabbering nonsense about seeing 90% of things with his eyes, is based off of something my friend said to me. only difference is it wasnt 2 am, it was 2 pm, and we were on the bus to go home from school.  
> thanks, as always, for leaving commens, kudos, and for supporting this fic!!


	13. four twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wall:** is no one gonna talk abt how matt said   
>  **wall:** “we will rise”   
>  **hunkerdunker:** ye?? ominous   
>  **hangry:** who will rise   
>  **pidge:** we   
>  **sirlancelot:** will   
>  **princesskickass:** rise   
>  **hangry:** shit the meme people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE OFFICIALLY REACHED 420 KUDOS !! (huge thanks to v for giving kudos when it was stuck at 419 o of)  
> this i s a filler chapter im afraid, i wanted to write a little something in honor of 420, so its short and its honestly more cracky than anything. still, i hope you like it!  
> the mom typo that keith made is actually a typo i made while typing this fic. idk how,,, but i decided to keep it there  
> enjoy!  
> \--  
> names:  
>  **princesskickass:** allura  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **pidge:** matt  
>  **hangry:** keith  
>  **wall:** pidge  
>  **sirlancelot:** lance  
>  **shrio:** shiro

**_DID YOU SEE MY BAG?_ **

**Friday, 4:20 AM**

**pidge:** my children

**pidge:** i have awoked to tell you all

**pidge:** it is 4:20

**pidge:** it is our time

**pidge:** _ we will rise _

**pidge:** *dabs into the oblivion*

 

**Friday, 8:52 AM**

**princesskickass:** matt

**princesskickass:** why the FUCK were you awake at 4 am

**sirlancelot:** awoked

**hangry:** the dab is so old tho

**wall:** i cant believe this is my brother

**shrio:** sigh

**hunkerdunker:** thats kinda,,,, ominous tho

**pidge:** r u proud :D

**shiro:** No

**sirlancelot:** yes

**hangry:** tbh yea

**princesskickass:** yes

**princesskickass:** tru dedication

**wall:** unfortunately, yes

**hunkerdunker:** ye c:

**pidge:** takashi ur outnumbered

**shrio:** Fine

**shrio:** Yes, I’m proud

**pidge:** :DDD

**wall:** he got dads approval

**sirlancelot:** oooo

**princesskickass:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**pidge:** bUlLiEs

**hangry:** lmao shiro looks so done

**_hangry_ ** _ has sent one (1) image. _

**shrio:** Keith I s2g

**wall:** LMAO HE DOES THO

**shrio:** hhhhhhhhhhh

**princesskickass:** e x p o s e d

**sirlancelot:** njdskafnas

**hunkerdunker:** lmaoo

**pidge:** ur all BANISHED

**princesskickass:** banished to the moon

**shrio:** :((

**sirlancelot:** jnfjksdnfdsj

**wall:** ok but

**wall:** is no one gonna talk abt how matt said

**wall:** “we will rise”

**hunkerdunker:** ye?? ominous

**hangry:** who will rise

**pidge:** we

**sirlancelot:** will

**princesskickass:** rise

**hangry:** shit the meme people

**wall:** ABORT ABORT

**hunkerdunker:** THEYRE COMING

**shrio:** EVERYONE TO THE HIDEOUT

**pidge:** WAIT WTF

**princesskickass:** YALL HAVE A HIDEOUT??

**hunkerdunker:** IVE GOT FOOD

**wall:** I GOT MY TECH

**hangry:** I GOT SHIRO

**shrio:** EXCUSE ME I GOT MYSELF

**sirlancelot:** U HAVE A HIDEOUT AND U DIDNT TELL US??

**wall:** OFC WE DIDNT

**hunkerdunker:** WE NEED IT TO HIDE FROM THE MEME PEOPLE

**pidge:** BrUH NOT FAIR

**princesskickass:** REVENGEEEEEEEEEE

**sirlancelot:** WE’RE GONNA FIND U

**wall:** NO U WONT

**sirlancelot:** TF HUNK JUST LEFT THE HOUSE

**sirlancelot:** ARE U SERIOUS??

**hunkerdunker:** OFC I AM

**princesskickass:** THE MEME PEOPLE WIL LTAKE OVERRR

**hangry:** IM SORRY LANCE

**sirlancelot:** KEITH HOW COULD U

**sirlancelot:** I AM #BETRAYED

**hangry:** D:

**sirlancelot:** D:

**shrio:** KEITH LET HIM GO

**hangry:** IM SORRY

**hangry:** I MUST GO

**sirlancelot:** NOOOOO

**princesskickass:** mmm drama

**wall:** WE MUST STOP TALKING TO THE MEME PEOPLE

**wall:** U WILL NEVER FIND US

**princesskickass:** r u at lionel’s?

**wall:** FUCK

**pidge:** LANCE

**sirlancelot:** IM OMW

**princesskickass:** SAME

**shrio:** OH NO THEY FOUND US

**hunkerdunker:** ABORT

**hangry:** I CAN SEE LANCE ACROSS THE STREET

**sirlancelot:** KEEF :D

**hangry:** LANCE :D

**wall:** AT LEAST SOMEONES HAPP

**princesskickass:** a tragic story of forbidden love

**pidge:** a thrilling tale between the meme people and the innocents

**wall:** coming to theaters this summer

**sirlancelot:** SCREW YOU GUYS

**hangry:** iusdhfuidsjfsa

**shrio:** “I can’t believe my brother is finally all grown up” - shiro reviews

**hunkerdunker:** “my best friend has come so far” - hunk the great

**sirlancelot:** YOU GUYS TOO? ?? D:

**hangry:** fu ck you guys

**princesskickass:** *shoves popcorn down throat*

**hunkerdunker:** well since we’re all here

**hunkerdunker:** brunch?

**sirlancelot:** ye boiiii

**princesskickass:** y e s

**hunkerdunker:** :D

**princesskickass:** maybe we could watch a movie later?

**princesskickass:** that new one that just came out

**wall:** sure hwy not

**sirlancelot:** hwy

**wall:** s t o p

**hangry:** ok but only if allura pays for the tickets

**hangry:** cause i rlly dont wanna waste my mom on that movie

**sirlancelot:** mom?

**wall:** MOM

**pidge:** PLEASE DONT WASTE UR MOM

**hangry:** what

**hangry:** ONG

**hangry:** I MEANT MONEY GJFAFNJKAC

**sirlancelot:** LMAOO

**princesskickass:** JFIKSNFASKF

**hunkerdunker:** OMG

**shrio:** njfkanfjsd

**hangry:** but fr

**hangry:** have u seen the reviews? it looks awful

**hangry:** so i’ll only go if allura treats us

**princesskickass:** shiro can treat us

**sirlancelot:** sounds good

**pidge:** okk

**wall:** k i’ll come along then

**hunkerdunker:** sure!!

**shrio:** ok

**shrio:** wait what

**princesskickass:** LMAOOO

**hunkerdunker:** LOLOL

**hangry:** THANK YOU SHIRO

**shrio:** nO

**pidge:** THANKS TAKASHI

**shrio:** I NEVER AGREED TO THIS

**sirlancelot:** YAYY THANKS SHIRO

**shrio:** wAiT

**wall:** THANKS DAD

**shrio:** ALLURA  W H Y

**princesskickass:** idk what ur talkin about

**princesskickass:** thanks !!!!

**shrio:** :(

 

**Friday, 5:43 PM**

**hangry:** that movie was awful

**wall:** agreed

**sirlancelot:** ye it was pretty bad

**shrio:** Can’t believe I wasted my money on that movie

**hunkerdunker:** uugh;;

**pidge:** u cant even call that a movie

**pidge:** THATS how bad it was

**princesskickass:** oh come on

**princesskickass:** it wasnt that bad!

**sirlancelot:** ..

**wall:** ..

**hangry:** ..

**shrio:** ..

**hunkerdunker:** ..

**pidge:** :///

**princesskickass:** ..

**princesskickass:** ok yeah it sucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of an abrupt ending but o h w e l l  
> the next chapter will be shiros mystery date, i promise. if i end up going back on my word feel free to slap me  
> see you guys next time!! sorry for the filler chapter D; but i hope it satisfied you for now!


	14. operation spy-on-shiro is a go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wall:** can we just go back to our plan
> 
> **conspiracyenthusiast:** yes lets stop talking abt crushes to talk abt more crushes
> 
> **wall:** k e i t h

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fucking shit its been 7 months  
> ok so i,,,,,, have an excuse? kind of ??  
> ok so 1) for 5 of the 7 months school was kicking my ass  
> 2) my mental health has been at an all time low for most of this year and ive been really unmotivated, ive been procrastinating, etc etc, despite it being summer ive been s o l a z y and i really hate where i am right now but i dont know how to get out of the slump ive fallen into  
> 3) ive just felt rly unmotivated to write this fic??? sksksk dont get me wrong i love it but i think i made a mistake of giving it a plot bc now i gotta actually,,, f o l l o w i t  
> i hope the length of this chapter maybe (probably wont) makes up for my absence? and ive already started working on the next chapter so i can promise that before school starts (27th of august) and im not breaking that promise so !!! yeah :D ill get that out asap! ive been getting back into the groove of writing so hopefully i can do this. thank you for all of the comments, kudos, and support-- i dont deserve u guys aaa <3  
> i just rlly want to get this chapter out so im not gonna make a username list but u guys should be able to figure it out ùwú

**_operation get 2 idiots together_ **

**Saturday, 10:04 AM**

**wall:** keith

**conspiracyenthusiast:** pidge

**sirlancelot:** allura

**princesskickass:** lance

**hunkerdunker:** D:?

**sirlancelot:** hunk

**conspiracyenthusiast:** hunk

**wall:** hunk

**princesskickass:** hunk

**hunkerdunker:** :D

**hunkerdunker:** lance, keith, pidge, allura !

**princesskickass:** :D

**sirlancelot:**!!

**conspiracyenthusiast:** :)

**wall:** lmao how sweet

**wall:** b ut KEITH

**conspiracyenthusiast:** w hat

**wall:** when’s shiro leaving

**sirlancelot:** OH

**princesskickass:** o ye he has his ””date”” oday

**conspiracyenthusiast:** he’s leaving at

**sirlancelot:** oday

**princesskickass:** shush  
**conspiracyenthusiast:** 11:30 am

**wall:** hm ok

**hunkerdunker:** wheres he going?

**conspiracyenthusiast:** to uhhh

**conspiracyenthusiast:** idk

**conspiracyenthusiast:** he wont tell me

**princesskickass:** lmaoo

**wall:** typical

**conspiracyenthusiast:** but hes not going to our usual place

**sirlancelot:** aww

**hunkerdunker:** o

**hunkerdunker:** not Lionel’s? :c

**wall:** he prob doesnt want u guys to interfere

**conspiracyenthusiast:** proabaly

**sirlancelot:** but he could get discounts??

**wall** : tell him that

**conspiracyenthusiast:** i went ahead and told him

**sirlancelot:** :((

**conspiracyenthusiast:** he said

**conspiracyenthusiast:** and i quote

**conspiracyenthusiast:** “i dont need you and hunk to be embarrassing me in front of my coworker and friend”

**conspiracyenthusiast:** “plus, you would probably hit on her”

**wall:** LMAO

**princesskickass:** HE KNOWS LANCE SO WELL

**sirlancelot:** i wOULD NOT

**hunkerdunker:** LOLOL

**conspiracyenthusiast:** lmaoo

**princesskickass:** anyway

**princesskickass:** keith and pidge, figure out the cafe hes going to

**wall:** on it

**conspiracyenthusiast:** kk

**sirlancelot:** i'll get the walkie talkies

**wall:** matt said hes bringing binoculars

**hunkerdunker:** wait,,

**hunkerdunker:** what r we doing??

**sirlancelot:** stakeout >:)

 

**Saturday, 10:45 AM**

**conspiracyenthusiast:** update i finally figured it out

**wal:** tHaNkS tO mE

**conspiracyenthusiast:** yes, thanks to pidge

**wall:** ;*

**conspiracyenthusiast:** he’s going to The Castle

**wall:** its on altea street, near ‘galaxy-wide beauty’

**sirlancelot:** o ye ik abt tht place

**princesskickass:** -hich placd

**wall: “** -hich placd”

**princesskickass:** s o r r y im in a car ok im tryin my best

**sirlancelot:** wHY R U TEXTINF AND DRIVING

**sirlancelot:** THATS LIKE THE NUMBER ONE NONO

**conspiracyenthusiast:** textinf

**sirlancelot:** tbh i have no excuse

**princesskickass:** im nOT DRIVING OMG

**princesskickass:** im not stupid

**wall:** orly

**sirlancelot:** sure jan

**conspiracyenthusiast:** *stares into the camera like im in the office*

**hunkerdunker:** *crickets*

**princesskickass:** yALL STFU

**princesskickass:** my uncle is drivinf

**hunkerdunker:** drivinf

**princesskickass:** not you too;;

**princesskickass:** why is every1 attacking me

**princesskickass** attack lance :((

**sirlancelot:** eXCUSE ME

**conspiracyenthusiast:** nah we love him too much

**sirlancelot:** :D

**wall:** i beg to differ

**sirlancelot:** D:

**sirlancelot:** pidge u wound me

**wall:** just doin my job

**hunkerdunker:** lolol

**wall:** on another note, its boring if we keep making fun of lance

**wall:** we need a change in pace

**princesskickass:** :((((

**princesskickass:** this is c y b e r b u l l y i n g

**sirlancelot:** deal wif it

**princesskickass:** uidjkfhsd

**princesskickass:** a n y w a y

**princesskickass:** which place do u know about lancer

**conspiracyenthusiast:** lancer

**wall:** lancer

**hunkerdunker:** lancer

**sirlancelot:** o m g lancer

**princesskickass:** gooDBYE

**wall:** u know dasher and lancer and prancer and vixen

**conspiracyenthusiast:** OMG

**hunkerdunker:** LOLOL

**sirlancelot:** IM WHEEZING

**princesskickass:** THATS GREAT OMG

**_sirlancelot_ ** _s name has been changed to_ **_lancer_ ** _._

**lancer:** NDJDNDJCND

**wall:** LMAOO

**princesskickass:** l a n c e r t h e r ei n d e e r

**lancer:** i pull santas sleigh ;)

**wall:** dont ruin it.

**hunkerdunker:** lance no;;

**princesskickass:** e w

**conspiracyenthusiast:** we're breaking up

**lancer:**??? but we werent even together

**conspiracyenthusiast:** exctly

**princesskickass:** damn

**wall:** rip klance

**lancer:** but wtf is a klance??

**wall:** nonya

**lancer:** im not falling for that e.e

**conspiracyenthusiast:** lol

**princesskickass:** ok but

**princesskickass:** my question earlier ??

**conspiracyenthusiast:** which was ??

**lancer:** o yeah

**lancer:** ik both plaves

**wall:** plaves

**lancer:** my friend works at galaxy wide beauty so i went to the castle whenever i visited her

**lancer:** do u guys remember nyma?

**hunkerdunker:** ah yes

**hunkerdunker:** how could we forget

**wall:** d am n petty

**princesskickass:** oh yeah the hot one?

**wall:** the girl u tried to hit on a few years ago

**lancer:** ye

**lancer:** o h come on se was hot u gotta admit that

**hunkerdunker:** e.e

**princesskickass:** u not wrong tho

**wall:** idk man i am #tooace for that word

**lancer:** fair enough

**conspiracyenthusiast:** wa i t im confused

**conspiracyenthusiast:** why did i not kno abt this?

**wall:** oooo are ye jealous

**conspiracyenthusiast:** why would i be jealous lol

**princesskickass:** ;))

**hunkerdunker:** *quiet chanting* klance klance klance

**lancer:**????

**conspiracyenthusiast:** *shrugs*

**wall:** tbh im surprised keith didnt kno

**conspiracyenthusiast:** didnt know…?

**wall:** *glances @ hunk*

**hunkerdunker:** basically a few years ago lance met this “rllyhot girl” (his words not mine) named nyma and he tried to hit on her for like three weeks and then he got turned down and afterwards lance w o u l d  n o t shut up about his rejection and he kept crying to us (ME) about his loss and they still ended up being friends and lance is basically over her now but the memories still ha u n t m e

**wall:** DAMN P E T TY

**princesskickass:** BLESS

**conspiracyenthusiast:** oh,,, wow

**conspiracyenthusiast:** u have a lot of salt abt that

**hunkerdunker:** u bet i do

**lancer:** hunk :(((

**hunkerdunker:** sorry bro

**conspiracyenthusiast:** im not even surprised he got rejected tho

**lancer:** wtf rude

**lancer:** u kno u want some of this ;)

**conspiracyenthusiast:** *crickets*

**lancer:** ;(

**lancer:** s he would have totally fallen for me

**wall:** yes but shes gay

**conspiracyenthusiast:** ohh

**lancer:** bUT IF SHE WASNT

**lancer:** THEN SHE TO T A L L Y WOULD HAVE

**hunkerdunker:** keep telling urself that

**lancer:** HUNK

**princesskickass:** damn hunk is on f i r e

**conspiracyenthusiast:** *bts flashbacks*

**hunkerdunker:** ehehehe bultaoreune

**princesskickass:** eheeheheh fiiiIIIREEE

**wall:** as much as i love bts now is not the time

**lancer:** yeah bc while we're alking abt nyma

**wall:** i meant that we still have to talk abt operation spy-on-shiro but ok,,

**lancer:** im pretty sure allura……

**princesskickass:** dont u dARE

**lancer:** …

**princesskickass:** n o

**lancer:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**princesskickass:** p l s

**lancer:** ;))))

**princesskickass:** u kno wht pidge is right we have a shiro ti spy onn

**conspiracyenthusiast:** ti spy onn

**lancer:** dont even try to change the subject

**princesskickass:** what if i do

**lancer:** allura has a crush on nyma

**princesskickass:** iM GONNA MURDER YOU

**wall:** OOOOOOO

**wall:** this is matt btw

**wall:** i took pidges phone while they went to the bathroom

**lancer:** o hey matt

**wall:** sup

**princesskickass:** fu ck

**wall:** spill the tea hon

**hunkerdunker:** lolol

**princesskickass:** there is none tho??

**princesskickass:** i just have a crush on her bc shes pretty snd kind and a sweetheart

**wall:** this tea needs more sugar ;(

**princesskickass:** wha t more do u w a n t f r o m m e

**wall:** mayb some spicy details?? how u realized that u liked her ??

**princesskickass:** this isnt a movie matt

**lancer:** our lives r lowkey dramas tho

**princesskickass:** touché

**wall:** b o r i n g

**wall:** anyway y do u guys have this chat

**conspiracyenthusiast:**...bbecause

**lancer:** why not

**wall:** y is it named ‘operation get 2 idiots together’ and why r shiro and i not in here to help get the idiots together

**princesskickass:** uh

**hunkerdunker:** well

**lancer:**

**wall:** wtf is that namjoon

**hunkerdunker:** OMF

**lancer:** mayyybe

**princesskickass:** im cackling omg

**conspiracyenthusiast:** that image is grEAT

**wall:** ikr im wheez i ng

**conspiracyenthusiast:** but matt

**conspiracyenthusiast:** u better put pidges phone up b4 they come back

**wall:** nah they wont be back any time soojfridbfnfmfifn

**hunkerdunker:** LOLOL

**wall:** om g im gonna murder matt

**lancer:** LMAOO

**princesskickass:** dudbee i cant believe he almost fpund put abt the Shatt™

**conspiracyenthusiast:** tf is a dudbee

**princesskickass:** n o t this again

**lancer:** ye that was scary tho

**wall:** also wtf allura u like nyma???

**princesskickass:** i thought u forget abt that;;;

**hunkerdunker:** u better not cry to us when u get rejected

**princesskickass:** who said im gonna get rejected ;)

**wall:** who said u were gonna try to talk to her

**princesskickass:** fair enough

**princesskickass:** a mere peasant like me cannot speak to a princess like her

**lancer:** but… ur a princess

**princesskickass:** u rite

**princesskickass:** a mere princess like me cannot speak to a goddess like her

**lancer:** tru tho

**wall:** ew

**wall:** can we just go back to our plan

**conspiracyenthusiast:** yes lets stop talking abt crushes to talk abt more crushes

**wall:** k e i t h

**conspiracyenthusiast:** but pidge is right we've got like 15 minutes left

**wall:** ofc im right

**lancer:** okokok

**lancer:** do we have everything we need

**lancer:** location?

**conspiracyenthusiast:** check

**lancer:** walkie talkies? check ;>

**lancer:** snacks?

**hunkerdunker:** check^^

**lancer:** binoculars?

**wall:** “checkaroo!!” -matt

**conspiracyenthusiast:** pfft

**lancer:** lolol

**lancer:** mode of transportation?

**wall:** *glances @ allura*

**conspiracyenthusiast:** ;))

**princesskickass:** w h y m e ??

**wall:** “you’re the only good driver out of all of us” -matt, again

**princesskickass:** *flips hair* yes i am pretyt good

**princesskickass:** ok fine, check

**lancer:** good good

**lancer:** camouflage gear?

**wall:** yep, check

**lancer:** then l e t u s g o

**hunkerdunker:** operation spy-on-shiro !!

**princesskickass:** everyone go on over to the hance home

**conspiracyenthusiast:** hance?

**wall:** hunk & lance

**hunkerdunker:** ooo

**conspiracyenthusiast:**..oh

**lancer:** ooo hance

**lancer:** i like it

**hunkerdunker:** :DD

**hunkerdunker:** me tooo

**princesskickass:** good good ok u all go there and i’ll pick u up

**wall:** “okiedokie!!!” -matt, for a third time

**lancer:** asdfjhsifuas

 

**_operation klance_ **

**Saturday, 11:20 AM**

**wall:** did yall see how keith got rlly quiet

**wall:** after allura mentioned  ‘hance’

**pidge:** yup

**hunkerdunker:** mhm

**alluringyouin:** ya duh

**alluringyouin:** i did it on purpose

**pidge:** ooo smart

**hunkerdunker:** niceee

**Shiro:** What?

**wall:** o

**pidge:** takashi dont u have a date to go to

**Shiro:** iTs NoT a DaTe

**Shiro:** But yes, I do

**pidge:** ok byeeeeeeeee have fun ;)))

**Shiro:** matt i s2g

**pidge:** love you too <3

**Shiro:**.. <3

 

**_operation get 2 idiots together_ **

**Saturday, 11:23 AM**

**wall:** update matt is screamin g in my ear send help

**princesskickass:** i can figure out why lmaoo

**wall:** ;;;;;

**hunkerdunker:** lololl

**lancer:**??

**conspiracyenthusiast:** wh y?

**princesskickass:** shiro gave him a <3

**lancer:** i just s q u ea led

**hunkerdunker:** i can confirm bc he sQUEALED IN MY EAR

**wall:** NOW YOU KONW NMY PAIN

**princesskickass:** LMAO

**conspiracyenthusiast:** om g

**princesskickass:** ok im almost at hance

**wall:** matt and i are like 2 yards away from the hhouse

**conspiracyenthusiast:** im already here

**wall:** ofc u r

**conspiracyenthusiast:**??

**wall:** nvm

**wall:** oo allura i see ur car

**princesskickass:** lmao i can see matt waving to me

**wall:** ikr my brother is such a dumbass

**lancer:** wheezze

**hunkerdunker:** ok we’re coming down with the walkie talkies and snacks

**conspiracyenthusiast:** we’ll be down in a few

**princesskickass:** yeee

**wall:** operation spy-on-shiro is now in s e s s i o n

**princesskickass:** i hate the fact that u did finger guns at me right when u texted that

**wall:** ;)

 

**_sike_ **

**Saturday, 11:27 AM**

**keef:** i forgot abt this group chat tbh

**chocolatechunk:** o ye same

**mattress:** lowkey same

**pidgearoni:** pls dont ever use that word again

**mattress:** lowkey will continue to use lowkey

**pidgearoni:** ihy

**lancey:** oh good

**lancey:** then we dont have to make a new one just to discuss the mission

**chocolatechunk:** why r we all texting when we’re in the same car

**lancey:** so tht we can talk abt allura without her knowing

**lancey:** jk altho thats a good idea

**keef:** she has access to this gc tho

**lancey:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**pidgearoni:** ok first things first

**_pidgearoni_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_operation spy-on-shiro_ ** _!_

**mattress:** yes good

**lancey:** second things second

**keef:** whats second

**lancey:** idk

**chocolatechunk:** o

**mattress:** i like how allura just gave us that Disappointed™ look since we all burst out laughing

**pidgearoni:** poor mom

**lancey:** rip lmao

 

**Saturday, 11:30 AM**

**alluringyouin:** wtf lance i cant believe u were planning to talk about me

**alluringyouin:** b e h i n d m y b a c k

**lancey:** idk what ur talkin abt

**alluringyouin:** e,e

**lancey:** ;)

**pidgaroni:** pls stop flirting we gotta gO

**mattress:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**lancey:** flirting??

**princesskickass:** ew

**princesskickass:** no offense lance but e ww

**mattress:** pfft

**lancey:** understaandable

**keef:** …

**lancey:** besides, allura has nyma

**mattress:** omg

**alluringyouin:** bRuh

**alluringyouin:** i would kill u if it werent for the fact that were on a mission rn

**lancey:** eheheh

 

**Saturday, 11:40 AM**

**lancey:** handsome boy, reporting in with an update

**pidgearoni:** ur code name is s h i t

**lancey:** wtf rude

**alluringyouin:** LMAO

**mattress:** NDICBDCJDM

**keef:** lolol

**lancey:** i was gonn spill some tea but i g n o t

**keef:** oo

**pidgearoni:** wait,,,

**pidgearoni:** tea???

**mattress:** did somebody say t e a

**chocolatechunk:** lance pls;;;

**lancey:** yes tea but im not gonna spill it now

**chocolatechunk:** whew ^^;

**alluringyouin:** wow thanks pidge

**pidgearoni:** wtf its not my fault

**mattress:** wow wtf pidge

**pidgearoni:** CYBERBULLYING

**alluringyouin:** but hunk

**alluringyouin:** y r u so relieved

**chocolatechunk:** uh m

**pidgearoni:** ooOoo

**mattress:** is the tea related to hunk

**chocolatechunk:** n-no;;;

**lancey:** yes

**chocolatechunk:** lAnCe

**lancey:** ;)))

**chocolatechunk:** lance no

**pidgearoni:** lance yes

**alluringyouin:** lance yes

**keef:** lance yes

**mattress:** lance yes

**lancey:** hmmm

**chocolatechunk:** lance

**chocolatechunk:** my best friend

**chocolatechunk:** buddy ol pal

**chocolatechunk:** love of my life

**keef:** ...

**chocolatechunk:** pls no

**lancey:** mmmn

**lancey:** sorry guys

**alluringyouin:** hm?

**lancey:** my best friend comes first

**mattress:** oof

**keef:** :(

**chocolatechunk:** :’D

**pidgearoni:** i'll,get u free products from ur favorite beauty store

**lancey:** hunk has a crush on shiros coworker

**chocolatechunk:** b r o

**mattress:** IM H O L L E R I N

**alluringyouin:** OOOOOO

**pidgearoni:** o shit

**keef:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**pidgearoni:** fr?

**lancey:** yep

**chocolatechunk:** im divorcing you :(

**lancey:** sorry bro

**chocolatechunk:** </3

**alluringyouin:** this is some g r e a t tea

**mattress:** i agree

**pidgearoni:** *sips tea*

**chocolatechunk:** ;;;

**alluringyouin:** ok but to be fair

**alluringyouin:** shes super pretty tho

**mattress:** tru

**lancey:** will agree

**keef:** >.> ye ig

**chocolatechunk:** guys D:

**pidgearoni:** dw hunk we wont take her from u

**chocolatechunk:** ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

**alluringyouin:** sorry hunk

**mattress:** not sorry

**lancey:** wh eeze

**keef:** hunk after this u should ask her out on a proper date

**pidgearoni:** GREAT IDEA

**chocolatechunk:** kEITH

**mattress:** jsdjkdfs

**lancey:** omfg that would b soo cute

**alluringyouin:** it wo u l d

**chocolatechunk:** no

**chocolatechunk:** listen;;;

**chocolatechunk:** i dont wanna ask her out until i actually get to know her better

**chocolatechunk:** so maybe i’ll try to b friends with her but im not gonna ask her out yet

**lancey:** thats my best friend for ya

**pidgearoni:** ofc ofc

**mattress:** nothing less expected of the cinnamon roll

**keef:** makes sense

**alluringyouin:** sorry for pressuring you D:

**chocolatechunk:** its fine!! i just wanna wait lol

**lancey:** take ur tieme :p

**keef:** tieme

**lancey:** not n o w keef

**keef:** c;

**alluringyouin:** we’ll support u no matter what

**mattress:** ^

**pidgearoni:** ^^

**chocolatechunk:** thank you all  <3

**lancey:** <3

**keef:** <e

**keef:** <3*

**pidgearoni:** <e

**lancey:** <e

**keef:** >:(

 

**Saturday, 12:14 AM**

**mattress:** lol i think shiro just saw me

**lancey:** what

**alluringyouin:** what

**chocolatechunk:** what

**keef:** what

**pidgearoni:** matt u dumbass

**mattress:** IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO

**lancey:** *dramatic facepalm*

**pidgearoni:** what did u even do

**mattress:** dropped my binoculars

**keef:** of course

**mattress:** rude

**alluringyouin:** butterfingers

**mattress:** ruDE

**_mattress’s_ ** _name has been changed to_ **_butterfingers_ ** _._

**butterfingers:** RUDE

**lancey:** i dont th i nk he noticed,,

**chocolatechunk:** good

**alluringyouin:** ok good bc if he had,,,,

**alluringyouin:** matt wouldve been dead meat

**pidgearoni:** hes already dead meat tho

**butterfingers:** STOP A TT A C K I NG ME

**keef:** NEVER

**pidgeraoni:** nah ill pass

**alluringyouin:** did anyone else hear that??

**lancey:** hear what????

**alluringyouin:** sounds like someone was trying to tell us to stop attacking matt

**butterfingers** : YES

**butterfingers:** I AM

**lancey:** lmao no one would ever say tht

**butterfingers:** IM OF F E N D E D

**chocolatechunk:** ur right, lance!

**butterfingers:** H U N K NOT U TOO >:(((

**keef:** so we can keep attacking him then

**butterfingers:** NO

**pidgearoni:** yes

**chocolatechunk:** yep

**lancey:** yes

**alluringyouin:** yes

**butterfingers:** IM BEING BULLIED

**butterfingers:** TAKASHI WOULD NEVER BULLY ME LIKE THIS

**keef:** thats where ur wrong

**lancey:** ominous

**keef:** not rlly but ok

**lancey:** shhhhh

**pidgearoni:** stop flirting

**alluringyouin:** ew stop fliring

**butterfingers:** lol y e a h stop flirting!!

**keef:** shut up pidge

**lancey:** allura bLs :(((

**pidgearoni:** nah

**alluringyouin:** ;))

**butterfingers:** hahaha u didnt tell me to shut up!!!!#

**lancey:** im sorry did u hear something

**keef:** must've been the wind

**butterfingers:** BULLIES

**_alluringyouin_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_in this house we ignore and bully matt!_ **

**butterfingers:** G O O D B Y E

**chocolatechunk:** im sorry but who's matt?

**butterfingers:** gOD FUCKING DAMMIT

**pidgearoni:** MAT WTF NO

**lancey:** HAHAHA SAVAGE HUNK MAKING A COMEBACK

**keef:** dont ever say savage again

**alluringyouin:** agreed

**chocolatechunk:**...agreed

**lancey:** D:

**chocolatechunk:** *shrugs* sorry bro

**lancey:** HHHHHHH >:(

**lancey:** ok but pidgey said mat

**pidgearoni:** 1) dont call me that 2) IM STRESSING OUT RN

**alluringyouin:** WHAT DOD HE DO

**lancey:** d o d

**pidgearoni:** HE CHUCKED HIS BINOCULARS AT THE WINDOW AND SHIRO TURNED TO LOOK

**lancey: ..** oh

**keef:** oh

**hunkerdunker:** oh

**alluringyouin:** oh

**butterfingers:**

**butterfingers:** sorry?

**pidgearoni:** im going to strangle u.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really dont deserve u guys lol im sorry for leaving it at a cliffhanger i swEAR IM TRYING TO REDEEM MYSELF  
> ANYWAY NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT SOMETIME THIS MONTH I PROMISE IT WILL and like ik u guys probably dont trust me but im gonna totally 100% get it out no sarcasm ok ok  
> anyway as always tysm for reading and im so so so sorry for going on a 7 month hiatus and then leaving u guys on a cliff hanger


	15. keith finally admits the truth (and matt is a dumbass, as always) (but its ok we still love him)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mothmansman:** fine
> 
> **mothmansman:** ok
> 
> **mothmansman:** yeah
> 
> **mothmansman:** i like him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he ck  
> longish note at the bottom -- i recommend u read it, but u dont have to! im terribly sorry about getting this out late (u all probably saw it coming tho)  
> usernames are the same as last chapter!

**_in this house we bully and ignore matt_ **

**Saturday, 12:20 PM**

**lancey:** waitwaitwait

**lancey:** matt u did wh a t now

**butterfingers:** wellllllllllllllll ll l l ll 

**pidgearoni:** he CHUCKED 

**pidgearoni:** his fucking BINOCULARS

**pidgeraroni:** at the WINDOW

**pidgeraroni:** AND SHIRO TURNED HIS HEAD TO LOOK AT THE SOURCE OF THE SOUND

**butterfingers:** w ell when u say it like that-

**chocolatechunk:** i

**lancey:** MATT WHY WOULD U DO THT

**butterfingers:** bEVAUSE

**pidgearoni:** U BETTER HAVE A VALID REASON

**pidgearoni:** U F U C K

**butterfingers:** W E L L

**alluringyouin:** OK BUT DID SHIRO SEE HIM

**pidgearoni:** nope

**butterfingers:** nope;)

**keef:** oh thank god

**pidgearoni:** only bc i pULLED HIS FAT ASS INTO THE BUSHES JUST IN TIME

**butterfingers:** im gonna ignore the fact that u insulted me and instead say thank u, oh wise pidgeon, for ur help

**pidgearoni:** 凸(`︵´メ)凸

**butterfingers:** ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

**lancey:** OK BUT BACK TO MY QUESTION

**keef:** calm ur ego

**lancey:** mY QUESTION IS IMPORTANT THO

**chocolatechunk:** ngl i read that as eggo

**alluringyouin:** lkLFDA

**butterfingers:** what was the question again

**keef:** e.e

**alluringyouin:** whyd u throw the binoculars

**butterfingers:** a h

**pidgearoni:** u better have a g o o d r e a so n

**butterfingers:** well,,,,

**alluringyouin:** w e l l ?

**butterfingers:** they just kinda,,, slipped out of my hands ???

**lancey:** sounds

**keef:** fake

**alluringyouin:** but

**pidgearoni:** ok

**butterfingers:** (;¬3¬) 

**butterfingers:** bls

**chocolatechunk:** matt;;;;

**butterfingers:** fINE 

**butterfingers:** U GUYS WERE BULLYING ME

**lancey:** omg

**keef:** omg

**chocolatechunk:** i-

**alluringyouin:** ….

**alluringyouin:** ur such a c h i l d

**butterfingers:** u guys love me tho :) 

**pidgearoni:** U ALMOST BLEW OUR COVER

**butterfingers** :(

**lancey:** aaaaAAAAAAAAAA

**alluringyouin:** literally me rn

**keef:** same

**pidgearoni:** same

**chocolatechunk:** same

**butterfingers:** same

**alluringyouin:** ur not allowed to say same

**alluringyouin:** b i t ch

**butterfingers:** :((

 

**Saturday, 12:50 PM**

**pidgearoni:** theres a lot of playing with hair

**alluringyouin:** yea like 

**alluringyouin:** shiro keeps running a hand through his tuft of hair

**alluringyouin:** and mysterious beautiful date™ keeps playing with her hair

**lancey:** omg theyre so awkward

**butterfingers:** kdslfjdsl

**pidgearoni:** real live footage of me talking to people i dont know

**keef:** wheeze

**chocolatechunk:** ok but same-

**alluringyouin:** ^^^^^

**lancey:** as an extrovert, i cant relate :)

**keef:** extroverts are lame

**lancey:** u wound me keef :((

**butterfingers:** im offended too wtf  _ keef _

**keef:** dont call me that

**butterfingers:** keef :))

**keef:** i will burn u

**lancey:** keef

**keef:**

**keef:** moving on

**alluringyouin:** KLFJDS

**butterfingers:** wHY DOESNT LANCE GET THREATENED

**pidgearoni:** whipped

**keef:** shut

**lancey:** uwu

**chocolatechunk:** i look away for 3 minutes

**alluringyouin:** that, my friend, was ur first mistake

 

**Saturday, 1:30 PM**

**lancey:** looks like their ‘’’date’’’’’ is done

**alluringyouin:** aww look at their awkward handshake

**butterfingers:** cute

**chocolatechunk:** cute

**pidgearoni:** ew™ 

**alluringyouin:** aaaa,,, young love

**keef:** *gags*

**butterfingers:** u cant talk keith

**keef:** ?

**keef:** im not in love tho

**lancey:** sounds fake but ok

**keef:** really tho,,

**pidgearoni:** oh 

**pidgearoni:** my 

**pidgearoni:** god

**alluringyouin:** …………

**chocolatechunk:**  ;;;;

**butterfingers:** why da fuq u lyinnnnn

**keef:** ???????

 

**Direct Message: pidgearoni - > mothmansman [1:34 PM]**

**pidgearoni:** cmon keith admit it

**mothmansman:** what am i admitting tho

**pidgearoni:** ur not sl i ck 

**pidgearoni:** u know???

**pidgearoni:** ur big fat crush on lance

**mothmansman:** there is no crush on lance tho

**pidgearoni:** s u r e j a n

**pidgearoni:** and i dont love outer space

**pidgearoni:** its so obvious dude

**mothmansman:** idk what ur talking about

**pidgearoni:** i can literally see u fidgeting as u type

**mothmansman:** …

**pidgearoni:** keiT H,,,

**mothmansman:** fine

**mothmansman:** ok

**mothmansman:** yeah

**mothmansman:** i like him

**mothmansman:** dont tell him

**mothmansman:** pkease-

**pidgearoni:** u can trust me keith

**mothmansman:** debatable

**pidgearoni:** lsdfk ple as

**pidgearoni:** i wont tell

**mothmansman:** …

**mothmansman:** promise?

**pidgearoni:** ofc

**pidgearoni:** promise

**mothmansman:** ….thanks pidge

**pidgearoni:** no prob

**pidgearoni:** now go get ur mans

**mothmansman:** kjsffds :///

**pidgearoni:** :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what have we learned, kiddos?? do not trust mocha when they make promises  
> from now on if i make promises yall gotta slap me and either 1) tell me to take it back cause it pr o ba bl y isnt gonna happen or 2) tell me to step my game up so i can fufill that promise  
> anyway i,,,, am very, truly sorry ! yall deserve better than what i've been able to give u jfkldsj  
> school started and immediately kicked my ass. like i had hw on the first day of school??? wild, im tellin ya,, but i was so stressed about getting ready for school that i couldnt find the time to work on this chapter apart from writing a few lines  
> i wrote most of it today, and it's super short, i know! but i wanted to get out a little chapter because i dont know when i'll be able to get out another  
> and why do i say this?  
> bc,, my friends,,,,, my loyal followers who have stuck with me for 15 chapters even tho im really unreliable when it comes to updating,,, and im not funny,,,   
> hurricane florence is predicted to hit my state. directly :)))  
> luckily enough, i live inland, so hopefully by the time it hits (which is probably going to be thursday evening), the storm will be down from the current category 3 to a 1 or 2  
> however, i dont know how whats going to happen. im not sure if we're going to lose power (we probably will), i dont know if it'll flood, etc. etc. frankly, im terrified, but hopefully everything will be ok (:  
> anyways, i wanted to get out a small chapter so i could let u all know that i'll be unavailable over the next couple days to weeks, depending on how severe the storm is. since i'll have a lot of free time (no school + no internet), i might be able to write some of the next chapter and hopefully grace u guys with a longer and funnier update, but for now, this is all i could scrape out. i hope it was worthy of the -5 minuts of ur time it took up  
> thank you for reading ! i'll catch yall on the flip side ajslfkdj


	16. all hail papa shiro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hunkerdunker:** wow… shiro’s kinda scary im ngl ;;  
>  **wall:** i can feel the disappointment radiating from here  
>  **sirlancelot:** h  e    c     k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me?? actually getting an update out in about a week? yep!!!  
> so, as u can tell... i am alive ! i already said this in a comment but i'll say it here too;  
> florence, luckily enough, didn't hit my area too bad. it seemed more serious on TV and while ik other parts (like the coast) got hit REALLY bad, i was lucky enough to only experience some rain and wind. the power didnt even go out?? which was shocking. honestly, i spent so much time getting worked up about it that it was almost disappointing that nothing much happened. yknow? like i wasted a bunch of energy panicking about it,,,  
> but in the end, im just glad my family and friends were ok (:  
> anywho heres me combining like 290832 dead memes into one chapter  
> \--  
> names:  
>  **shrio/takashmeoutside/papashiro:** shiro  
>  **princesskickass/alluringyouin:** allura  
>  **hangry/keef:** keith  
>  **sirlancelot/lancey:** lance  
>  **hunkerdunker:** hunk  
>  **wall/pidgearoni:** pidge  
>  **pidge:** matt

**_DID YOU SEE MY BAG?_ **

**Saturday, 2:04 PM**

**shrio:** I'm back from my so-called “date”.

 

**shrio:** Why is it so quiet? Usually I would’ve been bombarded with questions by now.

 

**shrio:** Keith? I’m home. Where are you?

 

**shrio:** This is.. a pleasant? surprise.

**shrio** : Unpleasant?

**shrio:** I’m not even sure.

 

**shrio:** Well… since there’s nobody here to stop me..

 

**_shrio_ ** _ has changed the chat name to  _ **_The single dad life is hard_ ** _. _

**_shrio_ ** _ ’s name has been changed to **takashmeoutside**. _

**takashmeoutside:** Nobody’s here to see me appreciate the dead memes.

 

**takashmeoutside:** Ok where tf are you guys

  
  
  


**_The single dad life is hard_ **

**Saturday, 4:56 PM**

**sirlancelot:** i am DISGUSTED i am REVOLTED

**hangry:** lance i s2g

**princesskickass:** i will dropkick u ass if u finish that sentence

**sirlancelot:** i dedicate my entire life to my lord and savior jesus christ and HTIS is the thanks i get???

**princesskickass:** i wont hESITATE BI T C H

**pidge:** htis

**wall:** lmaooooo

**sirlancelot:** ive been BETRAYED by my SOULMATE

**hunkerdunker:** i thought i was ur soulmate :((

**sirlancelot:** my DUMBASS NOT AN ACTUAL CINNAMON ROLL SUNSHINE SOULMATE*

**hangry:** i dont see why its that big of a deal???

**sirlancelot:** _ its a big deal to me!!!!! _

**sirlancelot:** _ like if u kno how i feel then why would u say that,,,,  _

**hangry:** also, we’re soulmates??????

**sirlancelot:** we WERE

**wall:** how tragic

**pidge:** thats rough buddy

**princesskickass:** if u squint you’ll see the absolute 0 fucks i give

**hunkerdunker:** the tiniest violin is playing just for you, man

**sirlancelot:** _ *sad kazoo noises* _

**takashmeoutside:** Wtf

**hangry:**

**princesskickass:**

**pidge:**

**hunkerdunker:**

**wall:** o hey shiro

**sirlancelot:**

**takashmeoutside:**

**takashmeoutside:** I….have a lot of questions

**hangry:**

**sirlancelot:**

**hangry:**

**sirlancelot:**

**princesskickass:** oh no

**hangry:** sHIR O LANCE SAID HE HATES ME

**pidge:** e.e

**princesskickass:** h e r e w e g o

**sirlancelot:** wHLKFJDSLK I DID N O T??

**sirlancelot:** I JUST HATE UR O P I N I O N THAT IS TOTALLY 100% WRONG

**takashmeoutside:** wh

**hangry:** THATS THE SAME AS HATING M E BECAUSE MY OPINIONS ARE MINE AND BY HATING THEM UR HATING A PART OF ME

**sirlancelot:** THAT MAKES N O S E N S E

**hangry:** YA IT DOES

**sirlancelot:** NAH IT DONT

**hangry:** YA

**sirlancelot:** NAH 

**hangry:** YA

**sirlancelot:** NAH 

**hunkerdunker:** hello darkness my old friend,,,

**hangry:** YA

**sirlancelot:** NAH 

**hangry:** YA

**sirlancelot:** NAH 

**takashmeoutside:** oKAY WTF

**takashmeoutside:** BOTH OF YOU, STOP

**hangry:**

**sirlancelot:**

**princesskickass:** bless our lord and savior papa shiro

**_takashmeoutside_ ** _ ’s name has been changed to  _ **_papashiro_ ** _. _

**papashiro:** I’m going to mourn my brief moment of freedom later.

**wall:** sksksk

**pidge:** sksksk

**papashiro:** But right now, I have questions.

**papashiro:** Not just to Keith and Lance, but to all of you.

**papashiro:** Am I clear?

**hangry:** ...yeah

**sirlancelot:** ...yessir

**wall:** yes papa

**princesskickass:** JOHNNY JOHNNY

**papashiro:** :/

**princesskickass:**

**princesskickass:** yes papa

**princesskickass:** u r clear

**hunkerdunker:** yes

**pidge:** oh yes daddy

**wall:** m a t t u dumbasS dont ruin it

**pidge:** oW WHY TF DID U HIT ME

**papashiro:** I’ll wait.

**princesskickass:**

**hangry:**

**sirlancelot:**

**pidge:**

**wall:**

**hunkerdunker:**

**hunkerdunker:** wow… shiro’s kinda scary im ngl ;;

**wall:** i can feel the disappointment radiating from here

**sirlancelot:** h  e    c     k

**papashiro:** Alright.

**papashiro:** Now. First question.

**papashiro:** Where are you guys?

**pidge:** shit is he gonna give us a spankin

**princesskickass:** ew

**pidge:** ;))))

**papashiro:** Matt.

**pidge:** e e p

**wall:** to answer ur question, papa shiro

**sirlancelot:** dsjfkd

**wall:** we are out’

**princesskickass:** ye we got ice cream

**hunkerdunker:** we’re still out, actually

**sirlancelot:** yep

**_sirlancelot_ ** _ has sent one (1) photo. _

**papashiro:** Alright. That answers a few of my other questions.

**wall:** o there was more than 2??

**pidge:** fear.jpg

**papashiro:** Second question.

**papashiro:** Why are Keith and Lance arguing?

**hunkerdunker:** oh no

**sirlancelot:** wE  L L 

**princesskickass:** oh no

**sirlancelot:** IM G LA  D U ASKED

**wall:** oh no

**hangry:** lance i s2g-

**sirlancelot:** PAPA SHIRO LEMME TELL U A LIL FACT ABOUT KEITHY BOT HERE

**pidge:** _ takashi what have u done _

**sirlancelot:** BOY*

**sirlancelot:** BUT BOT ISNT WRONG

**hangry:** im gonna slit ur throat omg

**papashiro:** Quiet.

**papashiro:** Now Lance, explain the situation calmly.

**papashiro:** please.

**sirlancelot:** ,,,,si papa

**sirlancelot:** so

**sirlancelot:** KEITH here

**wall:** wait for it

**sirlancelot:** _ doesnt like chunky monkey _

**wall:** there it is

**hangry:** ur so mAD ABOUT IT THO??

**sirlancelot:** IM PERSONALLY OFFENDED?????

**hunkerdunker:** lance dude i love chunky monkey but im not getting offended over this

**sirlancelot:** UR NOT A TRUE CHUNKY MONKEY STAN THEN

**hunkerdunker:** D:

**sirlancelot:** NVM I TAKE IT BACK

**wall:** whipped

**hunkerdunker:** :D

**sirlancelot:** BUT KEITH UR NOT OFF THE HOOK

**hangry:** I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY UR SO UPSET

**papashiro:** ENOUGH

**sirlancelot:** …….oui papa

**hangry:** shiro ur seeing how illogical this is right??

**sirlancelot:** what the fuck did u just fucking say about mkflkjsjflkKLFDJS

**papashiro:** uh

**wall:** allura tried to take his phone

**princesskickass:** i almost got it too )’:

**sirlancelot:** h a  h nice try

**papashiro:** Lance

**sirlancelot:** …….ja?

**papashiro:** You’re getting too worked up about this.

**sirlancelot:** :00000000000000

**sirlancelot:** bETRAYED BY MY OWN FATHER???

**papashiro:** I Didn’t Raise You Like This

**papashiro:** besides, chunky monkey is gross

**sirlancelot:**

**wall:** ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shit

**pidge:** U GOT THIS BABE 

**hangry:** truly a supportive brother

**princesskickass:** lance is staring at his phone in shock

**hunkerdunker:** chunky monkey fans are quaking (including myself)

**sirlancelot:** i….

**hangry:** another win for keithy boy :)

**wall:** top 10 anime betrayals

**princesskickass:** like brother like brother ig

**sirlancelot:** i dont Like this family anymore

**pidge:** 2 bad so sad sweetie ur stuck with us

**papashiro:** Has the conflict been settled?

**hangry:** yes uwu

**sirlancelot:** fine

**princesskickass:** say it louder for the people in the back hon

**sirlancelot:** FINE yes its settled

**papashiro:** Good.

**papashiro:** Now, are y’all gonna ask me for details, or am I gonna have to do this myself?

**pidge:** details details details

**wall:** hit us with them details papa

**princesskickass:** yes do tell!!

 

**_operation spy-on-shiro_ **

**Saturday, 5:14 PM**

**alluringyouin:** we totalllllyyy dont already know what happened

**keef:** ;)

**lancey:** ;)

**lancey:** sTOP COPYING ME KEITH

**keef:** i said it first tho????

**alluringyouin:** yall better not start i stg

**keef:** ...yes allura

**lancey:** yes mama,

**lanceu:** maam*

**lancey:** but lbr mama isnt really entirely wrong

**alluringyouin:** :/

**sirlancelot:** uwu

**pidgeroni:** yall r gonna miss the story shut up

**sirlancelot:** dslkfjsdl yes pidgey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive never actually had chunky monkey ice cream? ive heard its good tho????? idk???????????  
> feel free to leave ur opinion on it below (heres hoping i dont start a flamewar;;;)
> 
> anyway, i had a question!  
> if i made an instagram, would yall follow me? like if i posted sneak peeks of upcoming chapters and i used it to talk to u guys about,,,, vld and other fandoms and stuff. would that be an option?? is it an option? idk ik a lot of fic writers tend to make discord servers which.. i could make a discord server too. but it'll probably be easier for me to manage an insta account;;;;;  
> maybe just leave ur opinion on it in the comments? should i make an instagram? should i do a discord server? should i do neither? both???  
> thank u for reading and i'll cya in the next chapter! i hope u enjoyed uwu


	17. hi welcome to chilis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hangry: why did i just see lance run past my classroom towards the main entrance with pidge on his back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof  
> well its been a good few moNths
> 
> ive lost a lot of inspiration for this fic but the last thing i want to do is rush everything so :’))) we’ll return to our normally scheduled plot Soon but for now take this short filler chapter Hsjshjsj
> 
> i changed up some of the formatting stuff so uhhh hope its not took weird ?? oof  
> happy giving o thanks to all my american readers! im thankful for all of u guys <333 youve all made a huge impact on my life and i wouldnt have gotten so into writing if it wasnt for u guys and ur support !!  
> —  
> names:  
> papashiro/takahi: shiro  
> princesskickass: allura  
> pidge: matt  
> wall/pidgeoninapeartree: pidge  
> sirlancelot/lancer: lance  
> hangry: keith  
> hunkerdunker: hunk

**_The single dad life is hard_ **

**Wednesday, 6:00 PM**

**sirlancelot:** we dead in this chilis tonight

 **wall:** no u

 **sirlancelot:** yes,, me,,,,, me dead in this chilis

 **princesskickass:** u absolute Crackhead

 **pidge:** i wish i were dead in a chilis

 **papashiro:** Matt,,

 **pidge:** i Know what i said takahi

 **sirlancelot:** ta…..takahi

 **pidge:** takashi**

**papashiro'** s name has been changed to **takahi.**

**takahi:** Thanks! I hate it.

 **princesskickass:** slksjsks

 **sirlancelot:** real talk tho: chilis is the bomb

 **hunkerdunker:** cant argue with that

 **wall:** ^

 **wall:** especially their chips and salsa

 **princesskickass:** chips and salsa in general is the bomb

 **pidge:** the bomb.com

 **wall:** delete urself

 **pidge:** :(

 

** Thursday, 3:27 AM **

the chat name has been changed to: **hohoho hoes.**

**sirlancelot'** s name has been changed to **lancer.**

**lancer:** its chrismin

 **takahi:** It’s November 1st

 **lancer:** merry chrysler

 **hunkerdunker:** but,,, thanksgiving :((

 **lancer:** thanksgiving is irrelevant

 **pidge:** fuck you thanksgiving is my favorite holiday

**wall** ’s name has been changed to **pidgeoninapeartree**.

**pidgeoninapeartree:** i thought ur favorite holiday was april fools

 **princesskickass:** wtf matt thats not even a holiday

 **pidge:** April Fools Can Be A Holiday If It Wants To.

 **hangry:** i dont think thats how it works

 **pidge:** what do u know u uncultured swine

 **hangry:** at least i accept thanksgiving as a holiday

 **hangry:** unlike 97% of the population

 **princesskickass:** cough cough lance lmao cough

 **lancer:** i BREATHED

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** then Perish

 

**Thursday, 9:24 AM**

**takahi:** wait why the fuck were you guys awake at 3 am

**lancer: crimim,,,,**

**pidge:** ominous

 

**Friday, 7:34 AM**

**lancer:** i want to perish

 **lancer:** math? at 7 am? absolutely Not

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** oh big mood

 **princesskickass:** hah

 **princesskickass:** suffer, fetuses

 **pidge:** feetuses?

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** no

 **lancer:** baby feet?

 **princesskickass:** St o p

 **hangry:** i regret clicking the chat

 **takahi:** is it possible to return a child

 **pidge:** im not a child >:(((((

 **lancer:** aw cmon u love us :((

 **takahi:** Debatable.

 **lancer:** hEY

 **princesskickass:** ouch

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** [apply ice to burn]

 **lancer:** why am i always being bullied :’((((

 **lancer:** mercy on me pls

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** trigonometry waits for No One, bitch

 **pidge:** LANCE ILL SAVE YOU

 **pidge:** MEET ME OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL IN 10

 **lancer:** HELL YEAH

 **lancer:** MY SAVIOR <33

 **pidge:** ;*

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** CAN I COME TOO

 **pidge:** MAYBE

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** WOW I HAVE THE BEST BIG BROTHER EVER!!!!!!!

 **pidge:** HELL YEAH U DO COME ON PIDGEY

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** i take back what i just said

 **pidge:** >:(

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** cya soon bro love u mwah ;**

 **lancer:** damn who r u and what did u do to pidge

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** i Will kick ur shins bicth

 **lancer:** like u can reach them

 **lancer:** OW WHGSSJJSJA

 **princesskickass:** are u breaking lance and pidge out of school

 **pidge:** mayhaps

 **princesskickass:** i raised u well .

 **pidge:** im older than u???

 **princesskickass:** bY a fEw MonThS

 **pidge:** by a whole Y e a r

 **takahi:** what

 **takahi:** No breaking the kids out of school

 **pidge:** u cant stop me :3

 **hangry:** why did i just see lance run past my classroom towards the main entrance with pidge on his back

 **princesskickass:** scroll up

 **hangry:** ok

 **hangry:** oh

 **lancer:** GOTTA GO FAST BITCHES

 **pidgeoninapeartree:** YEE FUCKIN HAW

 **takahi:** nO

 **pidge:** Y E S

 **lancer:** NYOOOOOOM

 **takahi:** :///

 **princesskickass:** i got big disappointed vibes from that

 **hangry:** oooof

 **takahi:** i dont get paid enough for this

 **hangry:** u dont get paid at all

 **takahi:** Exactly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for ur -5 responses to my question last chapter Kshjsjsjs but i have an insta now !! follow me @_mochacats for sneak peeks and stuff ,, ill try to post more Actual posts but im getting there shshjajs
> 
> hopefully next chapter will be better ,, thanks as always for reading n commenting <3


End file.
